I'm sorry that I have to keep referring back to the death of Scott, but all in all that's basically what's been going on with the people around me, school, and myself. I still don't know how to keep my emotions under control about the situation. It's scary. I used to be okay with death, but now I'm not. I really can't even describe how I feel. I used to think that death was scary, and then I realized that it was a part of life, but now.....now I'm scared. I'm scared of how people will mourn and be hurt when I die. I'm scared of how death will be. It hurts to know that eventually I will have to be the person that people mourn.

Looking back at my relationship with Scott, I now know that people take each other too granted way to quickly. People don't realize how much another human being ACTUALLY means to them. I never knew Scott's favorite color, his favorite song, or even that he had a brother. What I do realize is that even though I didn't know any of those things about him, I still cared about him. He still brought a smile to my face EVERY SINGLE TIME I seen him. He was an amazing individual. I know that after the mourning of Scott, people will remember everything good about him. Unknowingly, we took the news tat he had committed suicide with harshness. The whole school mourned over what happened. It ruined Homecoming night, the weekend, and even shattered lives. Nobody knew he was sad. Nobody knew that he had a problem or that he was thinking about taking his life. NOBODY! How can someone so popular with the people around him have such issues and NOBODY have a clue?! It disgusts me that these rumors of a certain female LAUGHING about his death are being spread & that she is okay with that- making it apparent that these rumors ARE nothing but truth. She was supposed to be his friend. She was supposed to have known he was going to do it, but if that was the case, WHY didn't she mention it? Why didn't she try to help him? WHY didn't she tell someone? Anything at all would have sufficed for him taking his own life.

Looking around at all the people who are hurt by this loss, makes me realize that our student body- is more united than we thought. It almost brings me a slither of happiness to know that Scott was cared for by so many people, so many different people at that.

I really have so much more to say, but honestly don't know which words to use. I need to think about it more, but THEN I will return- again with another post reguarding Scott because I know this isn't the last one.


secret love notes said...

i like blogs about scott.
they tell what i'm thinking before i think it. :)

AUDREY said...

i like blogs about rachel.
except i only think then & never write them.