I sometimes feel like I will never win. I will never make something of myself. It's times like this when I need people close to me the most, but I push them away. I feel like my life won't go anywhere that I want it to go. I feel like people don't understand what really goes on with me. I feel like I have nowhere to turn, nobody who can understand, and nobody who really cares. This isn't a post to make people feel sorry for me, I just really need to let it out.

I had a wonderful night. Bear and I made things official, and I'm happy about it. I don't care what people have to say about it. Like, at first i thought it was too soon to make things official, but when you have 7 hour cake sessions, it's irrelevant to the public. He's mad sweet and he makes me smile. ♥

Yeah, that shit made me smile. Lol.
& BTW, LaLa already told me I forgot to blur his s/n out at the bottom. =/
Too lazy to change it.

Anyways, on to the REAL topic at hand. As the wee hours of morning came upon Bear & I's conversation...things got intense. We somehow got onto the subject of the people close to me who have passed away recently. I might seem strong and that I am okay with it, but there's always those days where you feel lost and alone and you just can't help it. Today was one of those days. It really doesn't help that I started crying and just got mad emotional over it all, but that's what happened. I dunno how he feels about what happened, but I'm trying to use this as something positive. Like...it's good that I cried already, so he knows I got a heart and that I have things that I'm not okay with, but then again it's embarrassing because I just started talking to him. It happened and there's really nothing I can do about it.

I cried myself to sleep at something like 11 O' clock this morning. Things just aren't okay with me. They really aren't.


Anonymous said...

this was me last summer, but we couldnt get close cause i went off to school =((((((

Ginger said...

maybe you're just emotional because you're not getting enough sleep. i've come to realize that not sleeping will have you thinking about things you have no business thinking about or talking about. and you know if you need to talk, i'm here. i'll be serious if you need me to be, boo.

viva la mixed girl . said...

im so mad you blurred out his name and all until the bottom where it says ... his sn is typing lmfao.

AUDREY said...


why did you have to notice that shit?!

you WOULD be the one to notice!


secret love notes said...

i love you so much babygirl.
i know it feels, to me at least, like we're drifting apart but we need to chill soon, and no matter what happens i will always answer a phone call from you and be here through everything.<3

.domo. said...

im glad you decided to get with bear!!! =]

Maddie Madd said...

I'M SO HAPPY 4 U!!!!!

AUDREY said...

thank you everyone :)
too lazy to reply back to each comment.