As the holiday season approaches, I get more and more discouraged. My family doesn't even have a tree up. Its weird because this year has been the most struggling year of my life. I was homeless, jobless, and my family was just a wreck. I don't ask for pity, because I don't want it or need it, but sometimes I wish people understood how hard it is for me without making myself seem like the damsel in distress. I hold on to hope in everything I do, and I always try to keep pushing to make things better.

I go to work and I'm a full time student. Right now, this shit feels like so much work. I'd rather just work and get money to support my family. Its very hard living paycheck to paycheck. Most people don't even know that about me. I'm always the one to act goofy and try to make everyone else happy. Sometimes I think that's a way for me to reassure people that I'm not sad, but in reality I am. I've been sad for a while.

I have a strong relationship with God, and I want to live my life in a way that He would be proud. I make mistakes, but everyone does. I'm not perfect, and all I can do it prosper from being a person to a better person. I apologize for my mistakes and work hard at making myself better.

The point of this rambling post is just me thinking. Does God put us through things to make us better people? If he does, then how come the good people always go through the most? Why is it that the most kind and generous person goes through the most strugle? How is that making them better? How does that build character or even help them keep faith?

I've come to the understanding that God knows what's best. That's the only answer I can come up with. Hopefully, karma is in my best interest and hopefully my time to prosper is coming soon.


Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

real talk this was a good ass read girl; felt wat u was saying for the most part