12.23.2009

TESTING, TESTING.

As the holiday season approaches, I get more and more discouraged. My family doesn't even have a tree up. Its weird because this year has been the most struggling year of my life. I was homeless, jobless, and my family was just a wreck. I don't ask for pity, because I don't want it or need it, but sometimes I wish people understood how hard it is for me without making myself seem like the damsel in distress. I hold on to hope in everything I do, and I always try to keep pushing to make things better.

I go to work and I'm a full time student. Right now, this shit feels like so much work. I'd rather just work and get money to support my family. Its very hard living paycheck to paycheck. Most people don't even know that about me. I'm always the one to act goofy and try to make everyone else happy. Sometimes I think that's a way for me to reassure people that I'm not sad, but in reality I am. I've been sad for a while.

I have a strong relationship with God, and I want to live my life in a way that He would be proud. I make mistakes, but everyone does. I'm not perfect, and all I can do it prosper from being a person to a better person. I apologize for my mistakes and work hard at making myself better.

The point of this rambling post is just me thinking. Does God put us through things to make us better people? If he does, then how come the good people always go through the most? Why is it that the most kind and generous person goes through the most strugle? How is that making them better? How does that build character or even help them keep faith?

I've come to the understanding that God knows what's best. That's the only answer I can come up with. Hopefully, karma is in my best interest and hopefully my time to prosper is coming soon.

3 comments.:

cool kids are bulletproof. said...

i like this blog a whole bunches.

RieAntoinette said...

First of all just wanna say be Encouraged girlie.Life sometimes throws us curve balls in every direction, its crazy how things happen.

Its been a hard year for me as well, pops lost his job, grandfather passed away from cancer, etc. Sometimes I just don't understand why things happen the way they do, but its like God knows all, and sometimes what we go through is a test to see if we can still Trust God after the dust settles and the smoke clears, when its the hardest moments in your life can We still say God, I love you...He has a reason for everything, and Its only to make you stronger, but I digress cause I know I wrote alot, but you will make it, God has a purpose for you.

:) Smile through good and bad, your one of my favorite bloggers too. I'm praying for you.
-Rie

datboizfresh said...

real talk this was a good ass read girl; felt wat u was saying for the most part