3.26.2010

IS IT THE COLOR?

A lot of things have been happening lately that make me really sit back and look at how society is. I've gotten into a few "squabbles" during the last few weeks about people on Twitter who throw around racial slurs and whatnot. To each is own, but whatever. That's not what this post is about.

I read my homeboy's blog yesterday and it made me think more on certain situations that have to do with color. I have been thinking about this already, but he made me want to actually blog about this topic.

Do black women always get mad when a white woman is with a black man? Now, I have dealt with this in some situations, but I don't want this to be personal to what I've been through. I really just want to understand how other races think about this. I know it happens, so basically what I'm asking is WHY and if EVERY black females thinks the same way. If so, why? Why is it a big deal if a white woman dates a black man and are they angry, jealous, saddened, or humiliated? What emotion REALLY is caused by this? Are you angry at the chick or the dude?...Both? Help me understand this issue.

I also notice that it's different when it comes to other races. My homegirl Laren notices the same thing too. Like why are you feelin some type of way about a white chick, but you don't about a hispanic or asian girl? Or DO YOU? I guess I just don't notice it as much if it is that way. It could possibly be because I am white and...i guess I just don't see it as much.

In a sense, this is also what gay/lesbian people go through. So, can you be a black female who supports gays and still not like an inter-racial relationship?

On the opposite hand, do white females get angry when they see a white man with a black woman? I personally don't, but I want to know what other people think. I don't really hear about relationships getting knocked when it's a black woman and a white man.

It's 2010 and we still have issues like this. I'm just trying to understand why the world is still feeling certain ways about situations like this.

28 comments.:

__simplytrice said...

I understand what you're tryna say, I personally don't have a problem with interracial relationships, if that's who the person wants to be with then so be it, people will criticize you about regardless if you're white dating a black person and vice-versa..I think it's ridiculous though.

feedmekicks said...

I agree. Thanks for your input, trice. I really do appreciate it.

bebie said...

I am a black female, and personally I love interracial couples, from the bottom of my heart, because its beautiful.

I tend to see the most drama with Black Male/White Female relationships, and its because of the reasons some Black males give as to why they don't dated Black women. Its very offensive, degrading, and hurtful. It's offensive to White women as well because the men who are giving these reasons, are obviously using them to get or have what they cannot from a Black woman.

The moral of the story is, not ALL Black women are crazy, not ALL Black men are users, and not ALL White women are being used. Everybody has their own preference, and their own opinion, and who you fall in love with.

feedmekicks said...

Bebie, thank you so much for your comment. I knew that some black men used black females as their reasoning towards trying white females, but I never looked at it as negative towards white women.

Thanks for your insight.

Tony "Young Grover" Hill said...

wow a perfect post awesome

lets see...

i feel what you are saying and till this day i really dont understand why are black women get mad over that..ive encountered that many times at my job i work at...i was dating this girl years ago and all of a sudden all in my business like oh why u dating dat white girl this & that etc.. its like wow are you ladies serious? i feel dey shudnt worry about who i date and well dey know i date white women i like em alot to be honest and dey all saying sumthing wrong wit you i think you should date your own kind and it just makes me sick to why dey wud say such Fuckery out of their mouths..to be honest i havent dated my kind dat much because i feel i go thru too much drama...well thats my input awesome post

feedmekicks said...

thanks tony. i understand what you're saying. i don't get it either. some people are just closed-minded.

Anonymous said...

I coulda sworn i made a reference to this to some people earlier: tha more things change, tha more they stay tha same. i "thought" we were passed that but not everbody got tha memo it seems

feedmekicks said...

I'm not sure if you're agreeing or disagreeing with the post, but thanks for reading and commenting anonymous.

Lolo said...

Okay , so personally I don't have a problem , I'm mixed bt regaurdless of that I'm recognized as a black woman . Bt it doesn't bother me seein a black man wit a white woman . We're all humans , bt I think dat black women don't trip off a black man dating hispanic or asian as much because they are "ethnic" not just white .. Ignorant minds have problems wit interracial relationships , ppl see skin & think of the past , which isn't like that .. Some black men have a problem seeing a black woman wt a white man or any other race bt it just all depends on the person(s)

Anonymous said...

I don't have a problem with it firstly who eva is jealous they have no calling in the relationship and secondly ppl these days are focused on others ppl problem before they mind they own that's why the world is like this now and ppl are rather ignorant but lemme clear this if ppl would come together as one and stop grudging there won't be issues like this and the world would be a better place www.twitter.com/teatimegon3wild

Lauren S said...

I say date whoever you want but BE CONFIDENT. It makes me sad when I see an interracial couple and they just don't seem like they're owning it. Be proud of your man/girl because often times people will feed off of your projected insecurity and capitalize on it. They'll be the first ones to ask you why you're with said person or have something rude to say. My cousin's dating a guy who's Vietnamese and Mexican and she tells people that proudly. If you're in it and happy then project that and people won't have shit to say. So I guess what I'm saying is that I'm as supportive of interracial relationships as the people in them are. If that makes any sense lol. :)

Nice post, girl :)

Anonymous said...

i think personally, the reason us African american women are sometimes disturb by seeing/knowing an interracial couple is being of history.

I mean, I honestly don't know how to let go of the past. you see, we've either stories or have seen movies of white women accusing our black men of raping their ass -- personally pissed me the fuck off . it's almost an automatic way of being wired or conditioned if that makes any sense.

I've grown not to trust them
I mean, we know our black men & how they're conditioned
sure, that's sounds ignorant as fuck but what can we honestly do? I have no problem with white women, or hell -- any other race for that matter. but when a white woman / black finds each other.. typically he's with her for HER ignorance, acceptance & sex. nothing else.

black men can use any fucking excuse in the book, but normally that's just how it is.

i agree with us being ignorant & shouldn't have a problem with the shit. but just know there's always an explanation. i mean, doesn't mean it makes sense or politically correct but it makes sense. lol

feedmekicks said...

@lolo: that is a good point. myself, i never think of the past like that so i guess that's one of the reasons why i can't connect in that sense. you're also right about the ethnic thing. i guess i can see it as a difference.

@chris: i completely agree with what you said. it shouldn't be an issue for the next person to be jealous if it's not even their own relationship.

@lauren: i agree. some people are just unsure of reactions and are afraid of the hatred that people give off. i do think that some people take being proud too far and try to show off. a relationship of any kind isn't there to SHOW OFF. it's there to enjoy and rejoice in YOURSELVES.

@anonymous: you make good points and i want to thank you for commenting. i do see different points. if you are trained to not trust black men, then why would it bother you if white women are together with them? wouldn't it be the white woman's problem? i can also understand the histopry thing, like i said before, i never thought about that. but the history is exactly that, history. so why can't people let it go? it confuses me. but i also am a white female and i can't see things from your point of view in that sense. thank you for commenting! it made me think of a few other things to actually try and understand this issue.

Anonymous said...

you using the world "trained" was taken highly offensively.

feedmekicks said...

@anonymous: i didn't mean to make it sound offensive, from one of the other comments saying that black women "know black men and how they're conditioned" kinda just made the word pop into my head. wasn't meant to be offensive in the least bit.

Leeza said...

I'm a product of an interracial relationship. My father is black and my mother is german, my mom did face some bullshit because she was white. I don't see anything wrong with it and I hate that some people still have a problem with it. Like get over it. Love has no color.

Shantae said...

It's merely a matter of possessiveness, ignorance and closed/narrow-mindedness.

There's a surprisingly high percentage of people who fear for the longevity of their race. They feel interracial relationships will cause their culture, race etc etc to die out and thus they discriminate against it. They may even TRAIN their offspring to practice the same principles.

Another reason, which I feel is completely unjustifiable and down right STUPID, is that of history. I've heard black women in particular claim they don't want white women taking "their men" because they've already taken a majority of other things from them. *rolls eyes* Meanwhile these women weren't present during or know anyone from the particular era they're referring to.

Other reasons could include fear, jealousy, envy, intimidation. But ultimately I believe it all stems from the aforementioned (possessiveness, ignorance etc). That applies to any and every race.

feedmekicks said...

@leeza: i agree with you completely. thank you for taking the time out and commenting, hun! xoxo.

@tae: i agree. i'm glad that i can see from your point of view and that it's not the same as others who have commented. i can see SORT OF why people would use the history excuse, but you made it more clear and i seem to agree with you more.

thanks for commenting! =]

Pei. said...

I certainly do not have an issue with interricial dating. I come from two biracial people and a very blended family.

To add on to your point about different races - One of my brothers is married to a latina and my other brother's wife is German. I have certainly noticed that my German sister in law seems to deal without a lot more of the negative comments than my Latina sister in law.

A while ago when that all white step team won that step competition, a lot of comments were saying "white people take everything from us." And I guess that's how a lot of black women feel about black men dating white women. Some women are offended and think black males assume white women are better or superior than a black women (such as on a higher level). People need to understand that other people have preferences that may differ from theirs.

It truly bothers me that we still have these issues today. It's so many disasters and wars going on in the world, and people are still hung up on "white versus black." I live in Georgia and at times I feel like it's 1964 all over again. It's really hard for me to deal with racism and ignorance on a daily basis from whites (and blacks) but then to hear a black woman talk about how she can't stand seeing a "brotha" with a white woman is just as disgusting. I know a lot of of it comes from peoples personal experiences and/or insecurities but

Also, I dont know if you saw that judge in Louisiana not long ago who denied a couple a marriage license because he didn't feel like interracial couples should be together. He said he didn't have a problem w/ black people but he just felt like these blended couples would face more hardships (or something like that). Idk it was a bunch of bull.

TLDR; At the end of the day, I just wish we could put these types of things behind us and come together and conquer these other hardships we're now facing as PEOPLE - not just one particular race.


feedmekicks said...

@pei: thank you so much for your comment. i appreciate it so much that you took time out to help enlighten me on your opinions.

i see where you're coming from with the whole step team situation and the all of the examples you used. i know this topic will probably never be resolved, i just wish that some people could open their eyes and see that love is love no matter what gender, race, age, ect.

Supastarrr said...

of course not EVERY black woman thinks like that, not I. Jill Scott said she's a hater on interacial relationships but isn't this what MLK marched/preached for? So we can see PAST color && love one another for who they are as a person? I just don't get how backwards some females get. I think it's jealousy b|c a lot of the times it's a well-off guy w| some blonde chick so the black chick gets her panties in a wad -_-. It's ignorant.

Samara said...

personally I have nothing against interracial couples and I am in no way against it.

and its not about ignorance or closed mindedness in any shape or form in my case.

A lot of my family members are products of interracial love.

but when I see a black man with another race of woman it does bother me for some reason. I don't know what it is. Sometimes it just makes me feel betrayed because I feel as if that same white female could have gotten anyone she wanted but it is this black male. And this black male is no longer available for a black female. And then black females end up single because most men of other races are not attracted to us. I know it's really generalized picture but in a way i guess it just make me angry because yes, the past is the past but there are still racial tensions in the present.

Also, I don't feel this way about only white women but asians and hispanics as well. When it comes to finding a mate, I feel like a man would chose any other race before he choses a black woman. Or he would go for the lightest black woman with the "nicest" hair.

Again this does route back to things in the past but I leave that behind for now.

I don't have any problems with interracial dating but it does take me a little while to get the subconscious look of disgust off my face and realize that love is love.

Anonymous said...

As a black woman, I could really careless who a black man dates. Especially if I don't know him etc. my problem is with white women who are with a black man,giving dirty looks and huffing and attitude. Why does every white or other ethnicity woman who dates a black man, think I or women want him. Ummm he's not the only black man in the world!! It shows they lack self confidence. Sweetie the interracial dating thing stems directly from slavery. Some black women have a problem with it because in those days if a black man even looked at the white woman he could be whipped, or even lynched. My problem is not with interracial dating, it's with black men who only date white women and put down black women and say we have attitudes are loud etc. basically making excuses for his decisions to date a white women. It makes me almost vomit when I hear black men give dumb reasons, because not all black women are the same. Instead of a black man saying he likes women, he uses a million excuses why he doesn't date black women. I myself love my black men, but have dated Hispanic men.

So to answer your questions:

1. Do black women always get mad when a white woman is with a black man?

NO! You can't group all black women in one category. Some black women hate it, some don't like it, some don't care, and some even date white men or outside their own race.
2.Why is it a big deal if a white woman dates a black man and are they angry, jealous, saddened, or humiliated? What emotion REALLY is caused by this? Are you angry at the chick or the dude?

Like I said, to me it's nothing important, but to others it's a big deal and there are many reasons why. Honestly if I see a white girl and a black guy I don't look twice and don't care. I don't know those people, they don't pay my bills and it's really none of my business.

3.Like why are you feelin some type of way about a white chick, but you don't about a hispanic or asian girl? Or DO YOU?

Again, I don't care what the race is, but know lots of women who only want to see a black man with a black woman. So if she is white, asian, latin etc. it doesn't matter they don't like it.

4. In a sense, this is also what gay/lesbian people go through. So, can you be a black female who supports gays and still not like an inter-racial relationship?

Okay I think you took it way left. those are two different things. Gay and lesbians can CHOOSE who they date, you can't choose or change your race unless your michael jackson. So they don't go through the same thing. I know people who are for interracial dating, but not same sex dating and vice versa.

5.On the opposite hand, do white females get angry when they see a white man with a black woman?

Absolutely. I have a good friend who is black and she only dates white guys. She tells me how many dirty looks and stares and whispers she gets MAINLY from white girls. I imagine it's the same for every race. Asians who date other races have the stigma from other asians etc.

Whether or not we have a biracial president racism is still alive and well. People still have the same mentality to "stick to your own kind" and I don't agree with that, but as you can see in dating it's very much prevalent.

feedmekicks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Justin Parker said...

Ok, this is a great post btw Feedmekicks.

I am a black male, and I personally feel that this is an irrelevant issue that people blow out of proportion. Why do YOU care who I date? You not with em and don't have to see em. People tend to focus on the wrong shit. What's important is that the people in the relationship are happy. I will admit, all my girlfriends have been black, but I don't discriminate. If I like you I like you, true love is blind. As for the black women feeling like white women are "stealing their men", stop complainin and do something about it. If you're tired of seeing black men with white women, stop bitchin so much, or tend to his needs instead of making it all about you. In case you haven't noticed, the black men who have the longest relationships with black women say the same thing, "she takes care of my needs". If you stopped spendin so much time on worrying about what race somebody is dating and started on focusing on how to keep your man happy you wouldn't feel like black men put white women on a higher pedestal. I'm single for that exact reason. Maybe so many black men are with white women because they give them what they want mentally, physically emotionally etc. I personally could care less if Kiara dates Timmy, as long as she's happy. People it's 2010, there should be no racial barriers and it's sad that 50 years later we're still having the same discussions about about color...

Peace at ♥ said...

I enjoyed reading your post but I personally do have a problem with mixed relationships especially with black men and white women simply because the black race in general has an identity problem as it is. Our history with white people is not so pleasant and i feel like it's a slap in our face for all that we have been through. If yu look at the black male a good precentage are incarserated or gay or what not...what's left for us black women? I mean yes it's beautiful that all races can now live peacfully but it's not always that simple. I go to school at the University of Mississippi and if yu witnessed down here how segregation and minority relationships are looked down on it wouldn't make the world seem so black and white...Idk...i may have offended some ppl, if i did im sorry but yeah that's just how i feel...2010 or not the mentality of ppl hasnt changed and it never will...racial barriers still exist!! even in urban america...i.e. ppl had a HUGE problem w. elected a man of color as president... :-/

feedmekicks said...

Thank you everyone for your comments. I appreciate every comment and every person who read it. I will no longer reply to the comments. I realize that this subject is a matter that differs between people and nothing will ever change. From writing this post, I can now see how some people think and it makes me understand their reasonings, but I still stand by what I believe. Thank you!

Anonymous said...

UGGGH...i AM A WHiTE WOMAN, AND i JUST DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY MOST BLACK WOMEN-SEVERAL WHO POSTED RESPONSES-WANT TO SAY iT'S BECAUSE BLACK MEN ARE GETTiNG WHAT THEY CAN'T GET FROM A BLACK WOMAN AND BECAUSE THEY WANT ACCEPTANCE...UMMM...GET A GRiP! CAN YOU WRAP YOUR SiMPLE MiND AROUND THE FACT THAT PERHAPS iT'S JUST BECAUSE HE LiKES THE WHiTE LADY, AND HAS NOTHiNG TO DO WiTH RACE?!?!? SAYiNG THAT BLACK MEN USE ANY EXCUSE...PSSSHHH, SOUNDS LiKE YOU'RE THE ONE LOOKiNG FOR AN EXCUSE AS TO WHY YOU DiDN'T END UP WiTH THAT BLACK MAN! iF THAT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, TO HATE ON WHiTE WOMEN, THEN BY ALL MEANS, BUT YOU ARE JUST AS iGNORANT AS WHOEVER RAiSED YOU TO FEEL THiS WAY!

AND TO THE GiRL WHO COMMENTED ABOUT THE "HiSTORiCAL" VALUE OF iT-OMG! i KNOW YOU AREN'T TRYNA PULL THAT CARD!!!! REALLY? HONEY, SLAVERY AND ALL THAT STUFF HAS BEEN GONE FOR A LONNNGGG TiME NOW! YOU DiDN'T HAVE TO ENDURE iT-YOUR ANCESTORS DiD!!! RACiSM iS STiLL AROUND BECAUSE OF SiMPLE MiNDED PPL LiKE YOU! GET OVER iT AND LET iT GO! iT HAPPEND, iT'S OVER! LET iT GO AND MOVE ON WiTH YOUR LiFE!

THE "EXCUSES" THAT SOME WOMEN HAVE POSTED ON THiS PAGE ABOUT BLACK MEN ARE NOT EXCUSES,JUST REASONS-ACTUAL REASONS-THAT THEY MiGHT PREFER WHiTE WOMEN TO BLACK! OR GOD FORBiD, THEY MiGHT ACTUALLY LiKE THE WHiTE WOMAN!!!

i HAVE LOTS OF BLACK FEMALE FRiENDS, AND iT KiLLS ME THAT THiS STUFF iS POSSiBLY RUNNiNG THROUGH THEiR MiNDS! WE ALL GO OUT, TALK ABOUT AND LOOK AT THE SAME MEN, BUT YOU'RE TELLiNG ME THAT DEEP DOWN-BECAUSE OF MY COLOR-YOU ARE LOOKiN AT ME SiDEWAYS??? LOL WOW, iF YOU SPENT HALF AS MUCH TiME WORKiN ON YOU AS YOU DO HATiN, YOU MiGHT ACTUALLY GET ONE OF THESE BROTHAS!