4.04.2010

OBSTACLES.

Sometimes is takes someone to inadvertently laugh in your face or at a situation you're a part of, for you to truly understand how someone constitutes the way you feel compared to themselves.

I've been having this struggle within myself lately. I've always had this struggle that I can't shake. The way I want to express myself doesn't "fit" with the people around me. I can't tell my mother I'm in love with a female because she doesn't accept bisexuality. I can't tell her that I recently got a tattoo that made me feel complete, because she doesn't approve. I can't tell her the black dude I'm interested....she doesn't approve.

What can I do? I feel like I'm in this box. This box that I can't get out of. I can't find the exit and its like its slowly filling up with water. I think this is the most unhappiest time I've had in my life...ever. There's so many great opportunities for me right now, but because I can't creatively express myself I really don't care about any of it.

How do you get passed a stage like this in your life? Even the strongest people around you can make it seem like the hardest task to overcome.

I've recently realized that people don't care about you or your feelings. They don't care how you end up feeling in the long run, if it doesn't benefit themselves. And that's the truth.

This isn't a cry for help nor is it a post to get attention. It's just how I honestly feel.

4 comments.:

JackFuckingJigsaw. said...

deep.
i teared up reading this.
i love you, audrey, with all of my heart.

__simplytrice said...

Damn that really was deep and personal at the same time, but I know how you feel cause I struggled with some stuff as well like telling my mom I'm bisexual was one of the hardest things to do for me, and that I was in love with a girl as well she didn't approve of it but at the end of the day she realized that's what made me happy, and I agree with you folks don't care about you or your feelings unless it benefits them, but what I can tell you is they don't determine how you live your life and no matter what you do there will be critics, fuck them they sure as hell don't matter at all, I hope I worded this right and that you understood me, I love your site keep up the good work :)

yooitzkc said...

I completely understand how you feel. I go through this type of stuff myself. you just have to stand up to what you believe, and how you feel. You don't want to fake how you feel on something to make others happy and not be happy yourself. Remember you come first, hun. Hope you feel better <3

Kas xo

rachel said...

talk to me about it, duh :)
seriously, i'm here for you!
ps; i forgot my blog login stuff, lol sorry!