I would like to actually say thank you to Bri.
She always read and comments my blog.
Thank you so much, girly.
I know that I hardly ever comment your blogs, but I do read them!
I promise I read them.
I'm not good at commenting posts for some reason.

But, you guys who are reading, you should go find her blog.
Well, she has two. And there's no need to go find them.
Here's the links.





Have you ever had to make a really hard decision about someone in your life?
Have you ever had to actually think about whether that person should be in your life or not?
What if that person means a lot to you and it's a lose lose situation with them in your life and without them.
What do you do then?

I realize that sometimes people will go through loops and hurdles for a person that they care about, but won't get the same attention. Why do people continue to do that?

I do this all the time. Why do I sit and let friends and people in my life that don't act like they want to be there? They act like I'm just the next stranger on the street. When people act like that, there's obviously going to be issues. So, why do I keep letting the person/people stay in my life, and deal with all that excess negativity?

I guess it just really sucks when you care about someone so much, but they don't act like they feel the same. They may even say it, and may even try to stress that "it's not what you think" blah blah.

So...is it a game? Or am I REALLY over-analyzing?

Who know!

All I know is that, I hate making decisions like this, but it seems like they always come up. I guess it's just a part of the whole growth process, and making things better for yourself.



So, there's this dude.
His name is Cris.
Yeah, Cris..without an H.
He feels some type of way about me not blogging about him.
That's fine. So, now I'm blogging about him.
...to make him happy.

Why do I always do shit to make other people happy?
Makes almost NO sense.

Cris is mad cool.
We talk mad early in the morning because neither of us sleep at a regular time.
I dig him a lot.
I don't dig how he won't give me the Ace Hood download link.

There's not really much to say because honestly, I don't know much about him.
When we talk it's really just....off the head type shit, nothin too serious or informational.
But yeah...I met him on Twitter.
Follow him.




One thing that's weird to me is that, people swoon over celeb gossip blogs? I mean, I totally can agree with wanting to know what's going on & such, BUT if every blog you visit has the same shit on it...how does that become enjoyable? I see all these blogs that post the same things, and it's mad annoying. Whatever, though. I completely condone blogging anyways. I feel like writing in general is a wonderful thing, but if you write and can share it with other people- that's uber awesome.

Anyways, that brings me to one of my points for this post. A lot of people have been mentioning that they like my blog. I thank everyone who reads me. I thank everyone who reads AND comments. I thank you if you have me on your blog roll, if you've bookmarked me, followed me, RT'ed my link, and/or told someone about my blog. I've been blogging for almost a year now, and I have over 80 followers on my blog, and I just passed 300 posts. So, it's come a long way for me. But...that's what I don't understand. I have a hard time figuring out WHY people read me. Is it because I don't really blog about celeb gossip, that I blog about real scenarios, or is it because I have emotions in what I write? I know that everyone looks for certain things in a blog to be attracted to it, but I just can't pin-point the reason for my blog's popularity in recent times.

Whatever the case may be, thank you is all I have to say.

The other subject that I wanted to blog about was my grandmother returning home. She was in a coma for about 8 days. She went into the hospital on July 14th, and just came home today. It's been a very rough, very emotional time for my family and I. My grandmother does seem to be pulling out of the Spinal Meningitis that she had. If you guys don't know about Spinal Meningitis, it's a bacteria that you get that usually is fatal and leaves the brain too swollen to function. The nurse at the hospital said she had worked there for 20 years and had only saw TWO cases of this. Anyways, she's home. Even though she told the doctor she didn't want to discharge [insert eye roll here], she's still home. Thank you to everyone that was there for me when I needed kind words. Thanks to everyone on Twitter who prayed for my family when it didn't have to be any of their concern. You guys don't know how THANKFUL I am to know that there's people in life that really still do things like that.

All I can really say is that it's great to have her back home.



So, I love Big Sean. I wish so many people didn't sleep on him & I wish he was more "out there".
I had his mixtape for a while now. I bump it often, and I kinda wasn't worried about what he was doing for a while.
The video for "Getcha Some" surfaced....I really like it. He looks hella cute in it, too.

Anyways, I really like it.
I really like him in general. One thing I don't like is that I get the Kanye West feel that I didn't want to get.
I don't like Kanye West at all, and I can feel it all in Sean's aura! FML.

Anyways, just a small post for you lovers.




I realize that when people want somethin they are the friendliest. All of a sudden they love you, remember your number, hit you on the regular, and just remember your whole existence all together. I can't even lie and say I never did no shit like that, but constantly? That's just a buncha bullshit to me.

There's people like me who are just too nice for my own well being. I sit around and think that people will see what I can do, and actually BEFRIEND me, but in all actuality it's people that jut see what I can do and see an opportunity to hold their hand out.

Like 39408 people have ased me to help them with photoshop and shit like that. And ME? What do I do? I say yes. Like...most of the time I don't even want to. I'm so lazy, selfish, and stingy. What makes you think I really want to sit around and make shit for you when you aint payin me? LOL.

Anyways, it's not even just the whole Photoshop thing. It's other shit too and other PEOPLE. I feel like that's all people are nowadays. It really sucks because you could honestly just run though a kick ass person and it would just JUST THAT- a run through. That sucks...for both parties.



So, I put up a new header.

It's nothing too exciting. I kinda sorta can't get enough of Chris Brown. So, I used him. Somethin simple was what I was going for, but then again my photoshop creative block wouldn't let me go anywhere else with it anyway.

This is a sorry excuse for a post...Lol. But it is almost 4 AM. Don't trip. :)



First of all, I really need to blog more. A lot is going on right now, but when August hits, I plan to blog everyday. Even if I don't have tons of shit to blog about. I WILL blog. I used to love blogging. I dunno what happened to the Blogging world. Everyone on Blogspot has been cutting back on Blogging. It could just be because it's summer and people are busy, it could be that blogging is just not IN anymore, I think it's because Twitter came along. I know I'm addicted to twitter and I can't shake the addiction.

Anyways, my Grandma is STILL in the hospital. She's STILL not doing good at all. There's a lot of things wrong with her, so I won't put a bunch of details out there. Thanks to anybody who has said kind words to me, but I will not be giving out details about what's going on with her anymore. It's personal. What I will say is that there's a really rare something going on with her. The hospital says that it's a rare case & her case is the most sever they have seen. What REALLY scares me is that we were exposed to it. My entire family has been here, unknowingly exposing ourselves to what she's infected with.

The doctors are doing research and other things of that nature to find out more about her case. The bad part is that my family has to take some type of pills to make sure that we didn't extract what she's got. It really sucks, but I don't care. I want my Grandmother better.

On another note...It bothers me how families can be so conniving and deceitful. Why do my aunts & uncles not give twos hits about my Grandma until she's on her last leg? WAIT...I know why..because they KNOW about the will. So as soon as she's no longer here they wanna walk around with their hand held out. Boy, have I got a thing for them! I...AUDREY..is the power of attorney. You REALLLY think that you're gonna come fuck shit up? No way, bruh. Whatever, though. It's irritating. I've got an aunt who thinks because she's the oldest, she should be signing the papers at hospital letting them do the procedures. So, why if you got the pen in your hand are you turning to my Mom? Is it because you don't know SHIT about her situation? How you gonna try and jump in control when, if asked, you couldn't name 1 out of 13 medicines my grandma takes a day. Smh.

Anyway, I did go on a little rant, but fuck it. It's my blog. Tell a friend, to tell a friend to read my blog. :)



First of all....WHY THE FUCK did I refresh my Blogger.com page & see like 15 post IN A ROW about Rihanna & her new hair? That's why the fuck I should stop blogging. The fuck is goin on. Yeah, celebs must rule most of everyone's world because they don't talk about shit else. Smh. ANYWAY!

I am proud to say that I have a loving family. I wish I spent more time with some of them. I wish that they got along better with each other. I wish it didn't take a troubled time like having my grandma in the hospital to make me type all of this.

My grandma is in the hospital. I don't want sympathy, nor am I looking for someone to feel bad for the situation. I do however want to stress the face that I am going through it right now. I don't really know what's going to happen. I don't really know what is wrong with her. I do know that my world is upside down & I am thankful for everyone who has said any kind words to me during this time. THANK YOU.

I found out that I am a beneficiary power of attorney for my grandmother. What does that mean? That means I can override any decisions that my family member think they are going to make about her. That means my Aunt should STOP trying to sign papers at the hospital because it's not her business, and that means that if my grandma passes away & we live in her house- AINT NOBODY GETTIN SHIT FROM UP UNDER MY FAM. Simple as that.



It's a pet peeve of mine when there's people who say some shit & then do something different. Like, I know understand it's your life, I shouldn't be worried, ect. but I just feel that if you are using ME in the equation, then some form of the shit that you say to me should be true.

Like if you're tellin me "Audrey I'm in love with you.", "Audrey, you're who I wanna be with", and shit like that, then turn around & go back to whatever person you were just telling me treated you so bad....that defeats the whole purpose.

I know this post may sound like it's just me being bitter, but it's NOT. That's just one of the examples I've used. I'll throw in a few other examples...

Another person is all interested in me & not in love with her boyfriend. Then every time I turn around they're back together? Wow. Can you fix yourself, please? Wait..that one makes me seem jealous/bitter too.

Okay okay! So, you want to better yourself & go to school. You also want to stop drinking. So, why am I the only person you are ever sober around? Is it because I don't drink? Like..WTF.

People, what I'm trying to say is that, if you have an issue within yourself, talking about it isn't going to make people believe you. Actually getting up & sticking with the plan is wht's going to make people notice that you got your shit together.

Now playing: Young Cash - Eat It All
via FoxyTunes



So, alot of other blogs have prolly already mentioned it, but Beyonce has a new video for "Sweet Dreams". I do like the song. The song is catchy, but no I haven't heard it before I saw the video. Whatever, though. Not too big of a fan of Beyonce.

She video does have a NEW 3D type feel to it, but why is she still dancing with those two bitches like she's been doing for the past videos? I don't understand it, at all. Like....It just looks like a rendition of "Single Ladies" if you ask me. Oh yeah, and her Michael Jackson looking moves....riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Anyways, that's about it. Her video was irkin me. She's pushin the same shit over & over. Where they do that at?



So, this is my 301st post. Shout out to that.

Other than that, I haven't been blogging like that lately. People haven't been commenting either. I dunno what's wrong with that. Maybe it's because my posts haven't been just garbage about music, or maybe people haven't had things to say, or maybe people haven't been reading, or maybe people have just been too busy. Who knows!

I think that Twitter & Tinychat have just been taking over. I've been on Twitter constantly. Twitter & AIM consume me. I haven't even been on Myspace that much. Myspace is dead. Facebook isn't my thing, really and there's nothing for me on yahoo messenger. Lol.

Anyways, I just wanted to post some shit because I haven't been doing anything, but Twitter. If you don't follow me, you should. @feedmekicks




He's been gone a year. A year today. When I look back and think about how this last year has been...I get sad. Losing Mike was one of the worst things that has ever happened to me. I can't get over it. I'm not okay with it. I try to just deal with it. All the songs, t-shirts, pictures, and whatever else we buy/make/create doesn't help. Well, lemme stop...it helps just a little, but not enough to make things better. Anyways, I won't type a lot about this situation. I feel like I've dedicated 80% of this years posts referring to him. It is what it is, though.

I love you, Mike.
Rest in Peace.

June 12, 1990 - July 6, 2008.

On another not-so-light note, how do I feel about moving to Iowa? I guess I don't really feel anything about it. Sometimes in life you've got to make a choice about life and there's nothing you can do about it.

We might have to do it. Who cares, really. There's a lot going on with my living situation. I just think that Iowa would be a fresh start. It's okay for me because I can be adjusted. My college is closer, and I would definitely miss my room. It would be just different, I guess. I'm worried about how the change would effect my little brother. He's never been the "new kid" anywhere, but sooner or later it's going to happen. Might as well get it over with, sooner than later....



It seems like as soon as things are good, you get knocked down. I don't ever ask for sympathy from people, or for anybody to care about what goes on in my life, but this is my blog. So if, you're looking for something entertaining, this is not it. I'm about to type how I'm feeling at the moment. You don't even need to read or comment. I don't care at this point...

In 10 days, I most likely won't have a place to live. It's a recession, but I never thought things would get this bad. I don't have a job. I can't find one. It seems like ther


Actually....I don't need to blog about this shit. You guys don't give a fuck if I have a house to live in or not. You guys don't care about anybody outside the internet. If I'm close to you, you know the situation already. If not, it's not like you cared anyway, right?



Over the past few days, a few things have surfaced to people that don't really need to know my business. Well, the people may be obliged to know, but not if I don't want them to. So, for one, if I don't tell YOU something from my mouth...that means what? THAT I DON'T THINK IT'S A DAMN NECESSITY FOR YOU TO KNOW. Another thing, if I let you into my circle enough to KNOW some shit about me, why would you open your mouth and tell someone else?

Anyways, if I've found out about your little mouth-running issues, then you've been DEADED from my circle. Don't try to get back in, cuz bitches know what they do when they're doing it. Real shit.

Anyways, I feel like this could possibly be one of my greatest pet peeves. That's like...talking behind your back, right? telling your business? Something like that. I hate that shit. So, while you're smilin all in my face, tellin the people around me my business, you're getting the damn boot.

-On a lighter note, sorry I haven't been blogging. I kinda had a drought. I still feel like I'm in one. I don't really have shit to type about.


Ahh well.