Man, don't you hate when people act cocky when they have NO reason to? Like honestly, you ain't SHIT. You honestly aren't. You do a few things that EVERYONE else all around the fucking world is doing, and you think you you are equivalent to Obama. Bitch, what you really are is equivalent to Bush. The dude that nobody really liked, they just put up with. Dumbass.

Anyways, before I started getting into it...

I really think that no matter what a person achieves in life, they should be humble about it. No matter if you get things handed to you, or you work your entire life making it happen- you should never have a chip on our shoulder. there's always going to be someone who is better off than you and someone who is less fortunate. That's one of my biggest pet peeves, because people shouldn't have a reason to act like that.

Moving on, it just sucks a whole lotta dick to be around a person who thinks their shit don't stink. What makes it worse is if that person has NO reason to think that, but yet they still do.

I don't feel like ranting lowkey about a person who really doesn't matter to me, so with that being said- until next time.

Now playing: Tynisha Keli - You & Me Against the World (Bonus Track)
via FoxyTunes


I went and shut down a few of my websites that I wasn't on. I guess it was just me trying to dead all the extra shit I had going on. At first I thought it would be a good idea to have all these sites open, but it's really just too hard to maintain. I'm a firm believer in not burning bridges and keeping connects through the inter, but.....no. Lol. I gave up my Flickr, Tumblr, Myyearbook, and....I think that's it. I know there's probably a few other out there that I need to delete, but I'll get around to it.

As of now, you can only find me on Twitter, Myspace, Youtube, and both AIM & Yahoo Messenger...well besides here as well.

On another note, today is beautiful. I really wish I wouldn't have slept the entire day away. I got a lot accomplished this morning before I knocked out. I put away my clothes, took some out of the dresser that I don't wear, straightened up my entire room, changed my fish water, and....cleaned off my desk. I'm trying to think if that's all I did....yeah, I think so.

Anyway, this post is MAD random. Whatevz.


I was cleaning out my Photobucket account, and look what I found...

This picture was Homecoming 2007.

I didn't even know that I had a picture with both Mike and myself in it. I look a hot ass mess, but that doesn't even matter.

On July 6th, 2008, a piece of me died...

Rest in Peace, Mike.

I love you.


So, within the past month I went from liking her to liking him. HIM is so much better than her, even though circumstances with her make me more happy. She's here, and he's not. He's got his head on straight, she doesn't. There's tons of pros and cons. I think I was just confused with her. She got my hopes up for something that she wasn't even sure about.

The worst thing you can do to somebody is to lead their feelings on, when you absolutely know that you aren't ready for what you are setting up, in a sense. I believe that usually people know what thye are doing when it comes to things like that. How can you even begin to feel content with a relationship if you aren't even content with your life? I'm sorry, but that's the WORST thing you can do. Especially when you have a friendship before making it into something romantic.

Anyways. Cakin with this dude for the past few days has made me both nervous, and excited. The anxiety of what else there is to come, makes me smile dumb hard, but then again I'm scared of what could happen. Dude is mad cool. I enjoy talking to him. Honestly, even though I aint known him that well, I could see myself in a serious relationship with him. Plus who would wanna pass up a dude who graduated high school at the age of 16, and is about to graduate COLLEGE at the age of 19?! I sure wouldn't. Anyways, he's got a lot goin for him, and I like that.

All I know is that I need to just go with the flow. Even though I have feelings for Teresa like no other, she's just not on the right/same level that I am, in a relationship sense. She wants to do....OTHER things with her life, and I'm tryna make moves. Bear on the other hand, is totally in my league. He's a music producer, amazing drawer, and is actually doing things with life. He goes to college, has a job, and isn't on dumb games. Which would you choose? Yeah...me too. Anyways, I think I just need to ride it out. I like Bear....He makes me forget about her hurting me.

Now playing: Mya - Take It Back
via FoxyTunes



When you first start talking to someone do you get this urge to talk to them nonstop? Do you feel like the feeling is purely brand new? Or do you steadily work towards talking to them excessively? Sometimes I feel like I can come off as thirsty, but that's not my intentions at all. I recently started talking to a dude, and it's all cool and stuff. But it's like...when I first meet a person and they don't do something they say they do, I get dumb disappointed. I really don;t know why. It's different if I knew the person for a long period of time, and then they disappoint me. Why is that? I honestly can't figure it out. It's not like I'm thirsty, I really don't know what it is.

How can you help that, though? I feel like I should stop, but wouldn't that be lying about my character?

Anyways, the point of this post is because I'm irritated with a person who said they were going to do somethin that they didn't end up doing.


Now playing: Trey Songz - I Need A Girl
via FoxyTunes



SO, this video is hilarious. Actually, the video in itself isn't funny. It's Quadiir's whole persona and how he is just so blunt, and real, is what makes it funny. He makes a lot of good points in this video. One of the things that I would like to touch on is how people in relationships try to change their partner.

Why do people insist on changing for their partner? Or better yet, why do people insist on trying to change their partner? It's makes me salty because that's not how it should be at all. What I don't get is, if you don't like how the person is, why would you want them in your life? If you cannot stand the person, why would you take time and effort to change them? If you think that they have a stank ass attitude, WHY would you put up with it? Instead of misleading emotions and trying to mold someone into something else, you should just leave it alone.

There's people who go through things with their partners on occasion, and that's a part of a relationship, but if you constantly fight and are never happy, don't you think it should just be time to let it go?



SO, tonight I couldn't sleep. Like most nights. I tend to not sleep during the wee hours of night. So, what did I do? I read and read and read. I read tons of blogs! I swear I read about 30 different blogs. It's intense how one blog can lead you to 5 others who can lead you to 5 more than that. So, I fell upon tons of blogs that were quite amazing reads. On the internet you can come across TONS of interesting individuals.

I think that the internet is a good place to meet and establish connects. I also think the internet is an outlook to place your creative juice on whatever it is that you do. The internet can either make or break you, when it comes to an type of industry out there. Networking is one of the best possible things you can do on the internet. I think that building bridges and meeting new people are one of life's greatest amendments.

Anyways, I hope the blogs that I followed tonight will keep me interested, and I hope the bloggers aren't creeped the fuck out by some random person following their blog. =/

Now playing: Day 26 | www.Marvin-Vibez.in - Think Of Me
via FoxyTunes


Sometimes, it hurts so bad that I can't even figure out how I've made it almost 10 months without you. God has helped me so much with everything that I have endured. Often times I feel like I can't breathe and it hurts so bad. Why did you have to go? Why couldn't you just stay a little longer? Did God really need you,or was he just being selfish?

I miss you with everything inside of me. I pray to God every night for strength to keep going. How do people do it? You meant so much to me? Every time I try to forgive myself for never letting you know how much you meant to me, I can't. You should have never been taken away that way. Never in life was I expecting to have you ripped from my life. I cannot fathom the pain your family feels. I can't understand how someone can pass judgment on the situation when they didn't even know you! How the fuck can someone say that shit! You weren't asking to die! You weren't!

This is just some shit I can't take....

I miss you Mike. I swear I love you.

Rest in Peace, Joseph Michael Driggers.

On July 6th, 2008 a piece of me died.

Keep watching over me while I live this life.

Now playing: Day 26 - I Won't
via FoxyTunes



LMFAO @ this video. I swear to GOD I could not stop laughing.
Daryl Horner is one of the funniest dudes I have ever heard of in Life.

Don't get me wrong, Miley can do her thang, but the video is funny. =/

Now playing: Cherish - Infected
via FoxyTunes
Now playing: Cherish - Infected
via FoxyTunes



Honestly, do you ever really feel like someone has your back? Do you ever feel like somebody completely understands you? Is there really a time where you feel safe telling people things? I don't ever feel like I can tell people anything. I feel like people use you just for what you have to offer and not for you, in a personality sense. That's not okay. It's not okay for people to use you, let alone okay for you to think like that. In a complete sense, how do you get past that? How can so many people feel open about what they have to offer, or who they even are? I feel like if you are a genuine person, you give yourself to people willingly, knowing that there's a chance of them using you, and whatever else.

I guess what I'm saying is, do people that use other people have the same mind frame? Do they think the same as someone who gets used?

I really just can't fathom the whole sense of using somebody for what they have to offer. When you see a genuine person, you know it. So, how can people act in a whole sense of trust, and then not mean a word of it?

It's a trust issue, in a sense.

All I wanna know is, does everyone else feel the same as I do?

Now playing: Dinoo Supreemo/Fantasia - When I See You
via FoxyTunes



Now playing: Kid Cudi - Day & Night (Remix)
via FoxyTunes



I am subscribed to a lot of people on Youtube, but this girl has got to be one of my favorite singers on there.

Her name is Coline and she just released her mixtape. It's pretty good! You should give it a listen.

Here's the download link: Coline's Mixtape HERE



Have you ever done something you feel really bad about? Something that was pointless and lame and there was no reason you should have done it? You did it because it was going to make you feel better, but it wasn't right. I done something like that and I wish I could take it back. What's worse is that, I still kept feeling bad about it, even after the person who was the "victim" forgave me.

It sucks because that person was supposed to have forgave me and it was all behind us, then I'm not sure what happened. Next thing I know everything isn't okay. What went on? I really don't know. I won't sit and try to make things better, because obviously that's not going to work. I believe it's also a lost cause, because my impression is already tarnished. I tried to feel better about it all, but I can't. It was a mistake that I made, and I have stopped making that same mistake for some months now.

I just want to low-key tell her that what she must think, isn't the least bit right. I left all that stuff in the past, and am no longer making mistakes like that. She's a really good person, though. I don't want to say anything more, because I don't want her to think I'm trying to be her friend again.


On a side note, I realize that I have changed a lot of these past few years, but who doesn't right? People keep telling me that I've changed, but honestly i think I just found out who i really am. I am finally comfortable with myself. sure I have flaws and want to change things about myself, but it's not a problem being in my own skin anymore. It's almost insane how it happened though. It came from nowhere. this confidence, I mean.

Now playing: Usher - Love Looks Good
via FoxyTunes



So, I'm officially addicted to Twitter. I think it's not as fun if you are trying to converse on a bunch of other community sites as well, and it's definately not fun when you don't have many followers. Actually, it's just not fun when your followers don't talk to you. You have to be an active member of Twitter for it to be fun. SO, for all of those who don't understand- that's the problem. Once you have that "circle", kinda like the one that's been established on Myspace, things will be more addictive for you. TRUST! Moving along....

Have you ever had a situation where your friend liked you? Like...how does that work. What if you love this friend? Naturally, it's already a "love" there, but it's not the same thing as if you were in a relationship loving someone. I can see how it would work either way, like it being good that you are friends first, and then it being good if you aren't friends first. The real question is how do you know if you like that person in a partner kind of relationship? How can you make sure as to not get the friendly feelings deterred from the actual relationship feelings? It's a hard game to play, and it depends on the people to an extent.

I'm kind of in a situation, and I don't know how to take it. Not only is the person my friend, but I also have other insecurities with the person's actual personality. Maybe it's just because I'm not sure of it, or maybe it's just the fact that it came about so quickly. Either way, that particular situation is all that's been on my mind the past few days. I can't seem to shake it at all.

Now playing: Keri Hilson - Knock You Down
via FoxyTunes



So, I've just been on youtube all night, and I feel like I should just share some of the videos with you- and my thoughts about each. So, enjoy..or not.

1. Keri Hilson on Beyonce/Ciara diss.

Keri WHY! Don't act modest. We know who the song was about, and that's FINE. You shit on both of em, in all actuality. I just wish Keri would fareal be like "yeah, that shit was about those bitches. and what!". Wouldn't that shit be real nice? Yeah, it would.

2. Keri Hilson & Lil Wayne.

This was funny to me when I saw it at the concert. Only difference is that, he slapped her ass WAY harder than that here at the concert in Omaha. 0.o

3. Amber Rose

She's cool as shit. I have one question...What is her damn race?!

4. Stop Hatin on Hoes.

HE got is all figured out. "Atleast the bitch got the product so she sellin it". LMFAO. WOW.

5. Nike Dunk Collection

Shits ill. That's all.

6. Nike Dunks Song

He loves his dunks. Amen to that.


If this isn't the FUNNIEST guy I have EVER watched, I can't remember who is.

I swear to fucking God, this guy is HILARIOUS!

Like....he just spat milk from his mouth to show you how he did and didn't bust nuts.


Anyways, he makes me half die from laughter. I had to share it.



Not sure if i like this or not.


I had my interview today.

First off, I was very excited about it all, and then my plans came crashing through.

I woke up on time, sleepy that is, but on time. My cousin was supposed to take me to my interview which was at 10:40. He didn't pull through, and I ended up having my mom take me. Now, if any of you know my mom, then you would know she sucks with directions. Tell me why the first time in EVER, she doesn't remember how to get to the damn Westroads Mall =|

I was late for my interview.
I don't even feel like typing all of the shit that happened there, but I do feel like I might not get the job. The biggest issue is facial piercings. The manager of Champs pretty much said there's no facial piercings and you can't even use the retainers/spacers to fill them, tongue rings aren't acceptable either.

Yeah, I don't know how I feel about all of that, but whatever. I do know that starting off at ^ bucks an hour, plus commission isn't cute at all.

Anyways, tomorrow I am filling out all my graduation invitations. Maybe I can get them mailed, I'm not planning on it, though. I hope it turns out okay, in the end.

If you are reading this and haven't given me your address for an invitation, please let me know your address. That is, IF you would like an invitation.

I'm also going to apply for some jobs tomorrow online.

And make an appointment to fill out my FASFA forms for college.

I haven't been eager to go to college in the fall, but today when I talked to my representative- it helped. BIG TIME.



So, today I got a call from an unknown number. They left a message, and I checked it before I called back. I thought it was just some random person of the sort because the voicemail just had a bit of Ne-Yo's- Mad in the background. Then they called back and I accidentally hit the ignore button! SO, I called back. Turns out that it was a woman from Champ's. The SHOE store! Yeah, they called me in for an interview...TOMORROW! So, I gotta get ready for that. I've never had an interview AT ALL. So, I am nervous about that for the most part. I also need to figure out how I am going to pass my drug test. I've been smoking since I lost my job, I think it was due to depression and part boredom. Whatever, though. That's tomorrow at 10:30 AM. It's going to be hard as FUCK to wake up. I had a long last few days, though. So i think I will be able to knock out early.

I've been spending a lot of time with my cousin Cassie. I knew that she meant a lot to me, but I never knew how much she really meant to me. You know how there's an unspoken friendship within family members, FOR THE MOST PART, well ours is different than that. We are actually friends and we actually trust each other. We call each other when we need to talk, and we don't hide how we really feel. It's nice to know that I have that to look forward to, even if I feel like I have nobody else in life.

My grandma hasn't been doing well lately. Well, better than when she was in the hospital a month or so back, but today I found out that she's in the late stages of COPD. She is now diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure. If you don't know what that is, then you should really look into that. It's when fluid basically fills up your lungs- killing you slowly and obviously not painlessly. I feel really bad. When you know someone is dying, you feel 10 times more worse than you already do for every bad thing that you have ever done or said to them. It hurts me. My grandma is really like my second parent, since my dad is pretty much worthless. It hurts....really bad. I know my mom will take it the worst out of all my aunts and uncles because my mom is the cloest to her. I mean, we live right next door and we do everything with her. We share groceries, we share money, when we go out to eat we always grab her something, and whenever she needs something done she just yells out her front door. LOL. I will miss all of that. I don't want to think negatively, but I have to think about the worst before I hope for the best and get let down. It sucks, really bad. Today I put on fake tattoos with her. This lady is crazy! She wanted a little fairy, right? Well not litle, like 2 inch tall fairy. So, I asked her where she wanted it, this crazy lady was like "on my neck". LOL. Anyways, I love her and I do plan on spending tons more time with her. Not to say I haven't already, but I want her to feel really loved by me.

Anyway, I hung out with Teresa the last few days. That girl is really amazing. I really wish I could get into a relationship with her. I feel like she understands. I really feel like she understands more than most people. It's hard to explain. I like the feeling I get when I'm around her. I dunno....

It's almost time for me to graduate! I am very excited. I am planning my party. It's not totally planned, but it is for the most part. IF YOU LIVE IN OMAHA, NEBRASKA AND YOU WOULD LIKE TO ATTEND, HERE'S THE INFO. YOU ARE INVITED IF YOU ARE READING THIS!!!

On another note, I feel like some of my old friends and I are drifting apart. Rachel and Jessica used to be so close to me. I love those girls. I think it's more Jessica, than Rachel. I mean, I understand that life has it's curve balls or whatever both of them may be going through, but it just kinda hurts that we haven'tevne hung out or whatever. I'll get over it, I guess. =/





I just got back home from the I AM MUSIC TOUR concert. it was fantastic. I'll say more shit about it after I get settled.



I got my eyebrow pierced yesterday. Here's the vid.

Now playing: The Dream - Right Side Of My Brain
via FoxyTunes


That's me. Yeah, with tons of holes in her face. Yeah....

Anyways, I got my eyebrow pierced today. It didn't hurt at all, and it was a spur of the moment thing. I never thought I would get my eyebrow pierced, but then again I never thought I would have half the piercings I have. 10+ piercings is a little much you guys, don't you think? My mom certainly thinks so.

Speaking of her, she won't even look at me. :( It makes me sad. this is the first piercing that I've gotten without her. It was a suprise for her, even though I am eighteen. i got my lip done on my 18th birthday, and this is the first one I got since then. She's not happy with me. I can understand why, because she did say she didn't want me to get anymore facial piercings. It's kind of ruining me, but I like it right now...so what the fuck, really. There's nothing I can do now. She won't look at me, though. It sucks....alot.

Now playing: J. Holiday - Fall
via FoxyTunes



Here's a quick blogger survey that tells your readers more about you.

Let others know a little more about yourself, re- post this as your
name followed by "ology" and tag ten people.

What is your salad dressing of choice??
I like Ranch.

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
I just like Olive Garden, son.

What food could you eat everyday for two weeks and not get sick of?
A number 11 from Burger King.

What are your pizza toppings of choice?

I like olives and mushrooms and hamburger and green peppers.

Chocolate or Vanilla?

How many televisions are in your house?

Do you have a laptop?

Do you have a desktop?

Do you have an MP3 player?
An iPOD.

Are you right - handed or left- handed?

Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Yeah, my gall bladder and teeth.

Have you ever been knocked unconscious?

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
I don't. I like my name. I've got over the hatred.

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?


How many pairs of flip flops do you have?

Last time you had a run- in with the cops?

Um, I don't do that.

Last person you talked to?
My cousin.

Last person you hugged?

My couin-in-law.




Day of the week?

they all feel the same.


Who cares.

Missing anyone?

Anxious to leave this house.

What are you listening to?
Trey Songz.



First place you went this morning?
The bathroom.

What's the last movie you saw?

I don't want many movies, but Meet Dave.

Do you smile often?


Do you always answer your phone?

Pretty much.

Its four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
Hard tellin. could be anyone, really. I just get down at early hours in the morn. feel me? :)

If you could change your eye color what would it be?
I'm chilled.

Do you own a digital camera?


Have you ever had a pet fish?
Yeah. He just died yesterday.

Favorite Christmas song(s)?

Who cares?

What's on your wish list for your birthday?

Um, I'm not sure.

Can you do push ups?

If I wanted to.

Does the future make you nervous or excited?
A little of both.

Do you have any saved texts?

Yeah. Like three.

Ever been in a car wreck?

Do you have an accent?
Um, not to me.

What is the last song to make you cry?

Some fabolous song that made me think of my friend who passed away.

Plans tonight?

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?


Have you ever been given roses?


Current hate right now?

Not having a job.

Met someone who changed your life?
everyone I meet, does a little something to my life.

How did you bring in the New Years?
With rachel george.

Name 3 people who might complete this?
jackie, Rachel, and um.... I dunno.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

Nope. I did what I did, and this is my life.

Do you have any tattoos/ piercings?
Look at my face, silly.

Does anyone love you?

Of course.

Would you be a pirate?

What songs do you sing in the shower?

Anything that I like.

Ever had someone sing to you?


Do you like to cuddle?

Have you held hands with anyone today?
I think, yes.

Who was the last person you took a picture of?
I can't remember.

What kind of music did you listen to in Primary school?

I dunno.

Are most of the friends in your life new or old?

Do you like pulpy orange juice?
Hold the pulp, please.

Have you ever ridden an elephant?
No thank you.

Do you like to play Scrabble?
No thank you.

When was the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly?

damn....Long ago.

What were you doing at 12 AM last night?
Getting zooted.

Now playing: Trey Songz - I Need A Girl
via FoxyTunes