I'm more than proud to re-post this video.
I'm in it. :]

I've been kind of into the youtube thing lately, so if you have a channel or whatever the case may be, go ahead and look me up. My channel name is: feedmekicks


I'm sorry you guys. I can't shake it.
Every slow melody, every picture, every....every part of me misses him more than ever.
I really don't know what to do.
Today my cousin came over for thanksgiving.
He used to play poker every weekend with my grandma, a few other people, and mike.
Here's how the conversation went:

UNKNOWING COUSIN: So when are we gonna get up on another game of poker grandma?
GRANDMA: I don't know honey, I've been working a lot.
UNKNOWING COUSIN: I remember when Frog, Mike, and all of us used to play....

-awkward silence-

GRANDMA: Yeah, Mike was a good boy.

That hurt so bad.
All of these images ran through my head.
Seeing Mike with Artie that Thursday before he passed, hearing his laugh, watching him do gay shit. :)
It almost makes me cry. I wan the tears to come, in search of some....closure.
But I know it won't happen.
There will never be closure for this.

I miss him alot.


Sitting here, looking back over the past year, my life has went haywire. I lost people, gained friendship, and have grown into something even more beautiful that I can even imagine. I hope that each and everyone of you reading this can truly sit down and say that you are thankful for numerous things in your life. I'm thankful for waking up each day, thankful for having a loving family, and thankful for having a few true friends in my life. I know I haven't always done right, and I do regret it all, but people make mistakes. Don't make the mistake of not knowing what you are thankful for.

PS: I love and miss you Michael Driggers, Every day of my life.


I'm happy to see them doing so well. I never thought Nick and Mariah could or would end up married and such. Anyways, she appeared on the Ellen show. I think it's funny....


She's almost perfect. I hate it.



SO, you guys should by now know how insane my love for chris brown is. I was just browsing through the blogger updates from posts that I follow, & I read that Aubrey O'Day, formerly from Danity Kane, is prepping for her solo album. That does not surprise me much. SHe's a little bit all over the place for me. I could tell from the day she got picked that she was a person who would suck up fame quicker than she could blink & it would change her persona. It just sucks that she got the best of the limelight & turned out this way. There's alot of people who can sing,dance, act, ect and don't get the chance to go big. Anyways, best of luck to her!

I also read that Chris Brown is/has been working on his THIRD album, which makes me totally excited. I loved, loved, loved, LOVED, his first cd. I also have loved most of his leaked tracks that weren't featured on any albums. I do have his second cd, exclusive, and the bonus Forever Edition of Exclusive. I know that I felt he was a little all-over-the-place with Exclusive. I think it was just him finding his sound, for the most part. Anyways! I know that his third album will be titled, Graffiti. Cool huh? :)


I'm getting really SICK of people taking thier pity party out on me. I DO have a life. My life does NOT consist of trying to please other PEOPLE. I honestly hate that people always want me to feel bad for them and to make them feel better. How can I fucking do that when I got to figure out how to keep myself happy? There isn't just one person, but a few.

It's annoying. I'm not saying that I don't care, I'm saying that you can't just shove your issues on me and expect me to drop mine. Simple as that. I'm not trying to make it seem like I don't care about my friends and family, but what I'm saying is that your expectations of me exceed the boundaries! Please stop. You aren't there to help me when I've got isues so whythe FUCK should I sit & join in someone elses' pity party?

Exactly. I shouldn't. I'm not going to. I don't feel bad about it either. Simple as that.


I hope ALL of you guys who read my blog posts have a wonderful day tomorrow.

Anyways. I just realized how remedial today's society has become. Please tell me how we only have the brain capacity to come up with new "crank dat" dances? Why is there so many? I guess it's a little better that we are moving from that stage. Here's where our society lays now:

I'll pause while you continue laughing.

That makes me sad.



Rest in Peace Scott Allan Tunstall.

My friend Scott committed suicide on Saturday, October 11th. This was the same day as our senior Homecoming. Nobody knew. Nobody had any idea.

This post is NOT to bring up old memories, or make the blog seem "heavy". I just want to stress the fact that Scott would've been 18 years old today. Scott was a wonderful person from the get-go. He didn't have any problems with anyone, and was always laughing and being funny. I miss Scott and it makes me sad because he deserved to live a full life. There's nothing in the world that I wouldn't do, if I could just get to see Scott one more time and ask him why.

I miss you Scott. We ALL miss you Scott. Rest in the Clouds.

Scott Allan Tunstall Jr.
November 24, 1990- October 11, 2008.

On a lighter note, I am happy to be back from Kansas City. The trip was delightful, but I needed to get back home. I feel so much more relieved and un-stressed.

I also went to Borders and had a freakin' hay-day! I got the book, "A Child Called "It" ", and some other stuff. I recently read "The Kite Runner". If you haven't read it- please DO. It's an amazing book. I was going to buy the sequal, but it' only in hardcover. I don't want to pay 25 bucks for a hard cover. =[. There's also a movie to the first book. I really want to see that. Jessica seen it. She's a jerk. :)

Anyways. If you have ANY good book suggestions, let me know! I like books that relate to real life events. I'm not really into the fantasy stuff & whatnot. So, if you have any other good book suggestions, please post a comment :)

PS: I got TWO new pair of shoes.
ha! :)



SO, I just got back from my trip. Alot happened.

I realized that I cannot live without my family. My little brother missed me so much. On Friday morning, I almost didn't want to go anymore. It made my heart hurt to see him crying because I was going to be gone. I was only gone from Friday morning until Sunday afternoon. It doesn't seem like that long away from them, until you actually have to go through it.

Anyways! I'm back.
I learned...again. That shady people are never going to be real. No matter how many times you trust them, it will never change.

The trip was pretty fun. I don't really know how to explain it. I guess if there's something you want to know, then you can just ask.

I'm going to be uploading pictures & videos.



I'm pretty happy that nobody noticed how I didn't number my posts right.

I'm not going to change it, though.
Who cares!

Tomorrow I leave.
YAY! I have to pack today. I was going to pack yesterday, but jessica kept me out longer than we had expected. It's okay, though. I forgive her. She's awesome.

We need more people from North to get blogspot. Or atleast more friends. I like reading stuff like this from people I know.

I know Rachel is reading this, soooo...I LOVE YOU RACHEL!

Moving on....I started a new blog on another website called wordpress. I need help figuring it out, so if anybody knows anything about it- let me know please.

I also see alot of people with twitter on thier pages. I have a twitter account, but I don't know how to get my updates on my blog.

If anyone knows about that then help me out....again. TNX.

& OH YEAH! I wanna learn more tutorials.
If you know any good ones, let me know....AGAIN.

Just let me know anything about what you know.
That makes it simple.



I love hanging out with jessica. I never get tired of her. She never judges me. She's really one of the few best friends I've got. I am jealous that she's so beautiful. I never knew our friendship would grow like this.

Jessica breeden: you really are like my best friend. I can tell you anythin & you always understand. You say the funniest things & I love your laugh. You are very sweet. Its hard finding good friends & like I told you in that letter- I thank God for you. I will always be here if you need me. Please don't hesitate to call me. I will always be here. You can trust me with your life. "for you a thousand times over" :)


Sooo....I'm getting even more excited about this trip!

I love it!
I cannot wait to get away from school.

I learned how to mobile blog.
So, on my trip it will be super fun because I will have four hours to do NOTHINGGG.
So I will definately be blogging & listening to my i-pod.
I did update it with TONNNNSSS of music last night, though.

My cousin's Halloween party was really fun.
& I still haven't uploaded the pictures form that.

I know that I feel bad because I haven't, but I also don't like when she keeps pressuring me to do something when I can't.

My mom is so sad for me leaving on my trip.
But my grandma has been making me super happy by giving me all this freakin money!



I am starting a wordpress.com blog because I feel like I need somewhere to be a little more deeper.
I cannot have my creative writing teacher reading my stuff, thinking I need a clinic for troubled kids & stuff.

I won't let you guys know t he link yet, because I feel bad knowing that it looks like junk.

Know that I have been posting on there, well- i STARTED & I will continue.
I do need to learn coding for it all.

Anyway, I am going with Jess today after school to the malll!

I love jessica.
she means alot to me.



July seems so long ago when I think about the months.
but it was just yesterday, in my mind, that i woke up to that text.
that was the worst text I could have ever received.
WHY? hy did God choose you Mike?

I've been thinking about you alot lately.
I think about little things.
Were you happy before you passed away?
How many unread texts were in your inbox?
What were you wearing?
Did you know it was your time?
What did you smell like?
What were your last words?

...and to sit here and think that you will never walk in my life again kills me.
I love you Mike.
I wish you could understand how I feel.
I wish I could have hugged you just one more time, told you how much your friendship meant, or even had one last laugh.

Is it wrong for your face to be fading from my memeory?
Is it wrong that when I look at your picture, it looks alienated to me because I can only see you lying in that casket?
Please tell me. Is it wrong?

Is it wrong that I wish it was me instead of you?


I don't understand.

Mike. We all love you. ALL of us.

picture courtesy of corrie brown's myspace page.



I some how found all these kick ass people on blogger today while NOT paying attention in marketing class.

I hope none of them were offended of my just random appearances.

Anyways, I want to add a few of them to my followed list, if they don't mind.

The only problem is that I forgot some of the pages =[

I hope they come back & like...comment my blog or something so I can re-find them.

I need some MORE good reads in my life right now.


Now that I've been telling more and more people about me leaving from North to do independent studies, it kind of makes me sad a little. There's alot of people who keep telling me how much they would miss me. I kind of don't believe it because I think I'm BARELY visible to some of these people now when I'm here.

Sadly to say, but I really just don't care about it anymore. I need to do what's best for me. I don't even think people will miss me.

Hopefully, I will still keep in touch with the people I love from here.


I really don't know how I got into this mess.

I thought journaling was done by number of posts, not dates.


Now, I guess I am behind because I haven't blogged everyday lately.

That sucks because I have like 100 total posts, but not 15 for the past two weeks.

I can't wait to drop this class. I have no idea about creative writing anymore. I thought it was fun before, until all this shit started getting hard.

Now it's just too much.

But the kids are pretty cool i this class, sometimes.

Well- sort of.

I think the only reason I liked this class was because Bruland was the teacher.


I never REALLY realized how many DOPE people were on blogspot.

shits crazy.


So, I honestly have nothing to blog about today.
Nothing new has happened besides the fact that I have no idea what I'm doing for my children's story. My rough draft is due in about 80 minutes, and I have NO IDEA. Is that bad? Wait..what am I saying. That's TOTALLY bad. I dunno. I just don't feel like school today.

Hopefully, Angie will call the TAC building today & see what's up with the independant studies. I really cannot wait.

I got into a little "back-and-fourth" with Autumn about if she'd miss me or not & really I had no sympathy for her at all. She sits and talks about how she won't get to see me & we won't be close, but she, herself will make it that way. She has my number, address, myspace, ect. She CAN get a hold of me if she wanted. It's on her...

I have FIVE days off of work this week. That's nice for me. But it's only because I have my trip this weekend. Super excited for that one.



I just got home from the concert.

Metro, Station, Tyga, The White Tee Affair, and Cash Cash all played. It was super fun! I loved it, plus it was my little brother's first concert experience His favorite band is Metro Station, so it was cool to see his reaction. He was dacing all over the place & didn't care who seen it. Fun shit I must say. =]

Plus, I didn't know Tyga was going to be there, so that DEFINATELY brightened my time.

I've been working alot. Getting ready for my trip, which is this weekend. Friday when I leave for school, I won't be back until Sunday night. It's a little bit thrilling, but then again it's kind of like......overwhelming.

I will post the videos as soon as I can! I had a lot of fun.

So, I have five days off of work this week.

I work tomorrow, Monday, & Tuesday and then NO WORK until next Monday. Part of it is because of my trip, but hey! It's all good.

I'm also getting more and more excited about this independant studies thing. I cannot wait.

OH YEAH & graduation. Who ever heard of some shit that you gotta PAY for graduating? Why should we, as students, pay for caps and gowns? It's a pricey experience.



I talked to Mr. Wiley about independant studies today. He didn't seem as enthused about me running wiht this idea as I did. BUT I found out that I will most likely do it. I've weighed all my options, basically. Friends: I have my friends & if I leave school & they dont have my number, know where I live, or my Myspace then they arent really my friends. School: I won't miss school, really. I hate mornings & I can do my work on MY time. Work: I can work MORE! yay.

-enough of thissss.



I definately got my girlprops.com jewelry in the mail yesterday! I have Rachel's gift from way long ago, I just need to put a few handy touches on it. I'm also waiting for my winter coat package. It sucks waiting for stuff. With penpalling, waiting for the mail is fun! Since Mara & I haven't really been on good terms, I kind of don't know how to react to her letters.

The Kite Runner is one of t he best books I've read in a while. It's pretty amazing and I cannot wait to get done with it so I can know what the ending is like.

I'm also super excited for college! I found out that Lena is going to the same university as I am & is majoring in the same thing. She's pretty cool. A fellow sneaker freak like myself is always dandy in my book.


I just read Mara's recent blog post, which was about me. I'm really not even going to waste my time with a response because she doesn't even REALLY know the extent of the situation with my friend. I did blow up, but that's because I've been going through some things. I haven't changed, you just must not know me like you think, Mara. Anyhow, you can come to me and get further details if you wish, if not then it is what it is. I did see how you put my name at the end of the list of friends on your page & ect. I don't care, really. That's childish in itself. Time to keep it movin, I guess.

Anyway! I decided to start just numbering my blog posts because I can't think of cute little titles like Rachel. Plus, this will make it easier to keep track of them for Ms. Bruland when she grades them. I also have been thinking about independent studies! At semester, I plan on dropping out of school. To graduate, at the semester point, I will only need one credit of English. In that case, I don't feel like I should keep sitting here for 6 hours, if I don't need these credits. Plus there's other issues. No car transportation, I need more hours at work to help my mom with some bills, ect. All in all, i feel like this decision is best. I just hope it all works out.



Do you ever wonder how people can change so much with such little time? How one day you can be so close to a person and the next they really don't even care? For some reason, I'm stuck on this. I'm the type of person who is loyal and always cares about the people in her life. I feel like I shouldn't do that because people don't seem to do the same. It's just like why bother because you aren't going to get the same treatment. I really feel an emptiness inside me when I realize how many people have changed. I feel hurt inside when I look back at some of the people who used to be my best friends. Now.... They are nothing to me. Well, in all actuality, I am nothing to THEM. It's really crazy.

Today I looked back at one of my old friends' Myspace page. It was crazy because me and Raeven used to be so close. Then she started changing up. It's just silly to me how you can change so quickly just because you are around a certain few people more often. I don't know why it even bothers me because if it was meant for that person to be in my life then they would still be here, ya know? It just takes a lot for me to accept the fact that you spent so much time, effort, and trust in people for them to just throw it away.

It just is amazing how people change. Seriously. Most of the time, I pray that the change is for the better- on their part, but sometimes it's not.

I feel a lot of my friends growing apart from me, and I know it can't be my fault with ALL of them.



I don't really know how many times I've expressed my dire love & need for Chris Brown. He's my other half, unannounced. :)

I found this on a friend's Myspace page, but I didn't intend on stealing it from her. I just wanted it to show off his sexy strawberry eating skills.

Anyways, today was a dreary day. It rained. A close friend of mine broke up wit her boyfriend. It sucks. I've never been through any of that, but I know it has to hurt when you lose your best friend all of a sudden.



I really wish I had went to school today. I really needed to say something to someone about the dumb shit that they are stirring up.

I also wish I could think of really good blog titles like Rachel.

Anyways, I'm sick. BLAH!

I have updated my youtube channel. I added a few videos, including a video for Steffa & Rachel.




Today was just a normal day. It started off good. Went good all day. And is ending good.
I don't have work tomorrow and I really don't have many plans. Hopefully something will come up....

In my last post, I was angry, hurt, dumbfounded, and even hateful. All over something that was brought to my attention. I really don't think all of the details need to be dropped, nobody really cares anyway. What I do want to say is that I did overreact. I don't want to NOT be Rachel's friend, but I don't want to have shit being said behind my back.

Pretty much- I decided that someone I gave my trust to opened their mouth. Yeah, I did say that I think that Rachel & I might end up being closer than both of our relationships with our best friends that we have now. We BOTH said that. We both talked about distancing ourselves from certain people after school gets out. Never once did I mention this to Rachel's best friend or mine. We agreed that nothing needed to be said. So here's where I get angry, pissed, hurt, ect...

If these things were only said between us, with intentions of not saying anything else about it- then how did it get out? How did my best friend hear "through the grapevine" about the same shit that I said? How did some of the statements become misconstrued?

Never once did I say "I do not like Autumn because I like Rachel now."
Never once did Rachel say "I don't like Autumn because she tried to hit on Stephen."
Never once did I say "Rachel George, you are my new best friend."

So if these things AREN'T being said, then how the fuck is it all coming up?
SOMEONE'S mouth has been opened up.

So really, now that I got all of that out there, I'm going to address ONE person.

Rachel: If you said something to anyone or whatever the case may be, that's fine. But please tell whomever you told to get the story stright, and accurate. If you feel like I am definately not worth keeping around, that's fine too. Never once have I tied any negative connotations to your name when speaking to someone else. I have never had a problem with you. I am definately not going to lie, I'm sure this probably stems a little bit from Bekka. I don't really care, to be honest. I just think that when/if I do ocme to that conclusion with Autumn where I have to let her know that we aren't best friends anymore, then I would like to be the one to do it. I don't want her coming up to me with wrong fucking stories that I never once said. So, if you honestly consider me a lost friend and whatever the fuck else- that's cool with me. It's your decision.



Being a student is like...
I cannot even begin to tell you what I think being a student is like. I've missed so many days of school lately, like...for no reason. No reason at all. The point of missing school wasn't because I didn't WANT to go to school. I just didn't feel motivated to wake up that early i the morning and go. I hate the people at school. I hate teachers, homework, just all the foulness of the people who reside at this idiotic place. I don't know why I feel this way. I just do. I really want to just go to college. Seriously...

Today I finally heard it all. People are ALWAYS looking for drama. Why are people so addicted to dramatics? It almost disgusts me that people TALK about things that they just conceive from their incompetant brains and run with it like they seen it in a history book or something. The whole i got a new best friend thing, the whole Rachel thing, all of it...I really could care less. Obviously this whole situation means that either someone I trust is going behind my back and running thier mouth, or someone doesn't know the story in it's entirety. I don't care. Just shut the fuck up about me. You really don't know me. There's a few people I can honestly narrow it down to, and it sucks, but I have almost come to realize that friends are a bunch of bullshit. Even the ones you thought were the farthest from betraying you....

Just to throw it in there, I havn't been to school for like a wweek. I come back and even before my first class, I hear it...

I'm sorry that miscontruities about Audrey Thompson rule your entire universe and old your existance.
Please stop because you just lost a friend. Everyone who could even be miraculously involved are out of my book.

Bye faggots.



This. Was. The. Worst.

This was the absolute worst pain I've ever had to endure.
It sucked really bad.
I swear I almost don't want piercings anymore.


Watch the video. :)