Today is my mom's birthday, and I know she prolly won't ever read this, BUT I might as well use this as a time to express how much she means to me for all of you.

Anyways, I bought her a new phone and stuff for her birthday. She was really happy about that because her phone...OH MY GOD. Everytime you would slide it open, the screen would go white. "/ SO, I got her anew phone. She likes it.

Moving along...I don't know how many people who are reading this have a good connection with their mom, but I do. She's almost like someone my age, she knows how teens work, and she doesn't act overly involved. She's pretty cool. All my friends like her and stuff, which is sometimes annoying. Like how would you feel if I came over just to chat chit it up with your mom?! RIIGHHHT. But no, seriously. All my friends say she's the coolest mom and stuff like that. When I go out, I don't have a curfew, she knows where I'm going. I don't make it a point to lie to her. She understands and TRUSTS me. I think that's part of the problem with mom and teenage kids. Most of the parents can't give the kid some trust and space. I talk to my mom about everything. I told her about the not being friends with my best friend thing, I told her about the fake I had on Myspace, and I even talk to her about if I smoke or drink. I don't smoke or drink, but when I did, I told her. Is that weird? Whatever, though. I even told her the day that I skipped school. I came right home and was like "Mom..." and told her. She laughed because what kid comes home and tells their mom that shit?! It was even funnier because I went to 2 or my classes, skipped one, and CAME BACK for the last one. I guess...

But I love her. She's hella cool, and understanding. <3
I'll leave you guys with an old picture of us and stuff.



I think some of his humor is degrading, but whatever. He's funny as shit. Here's a clip of his newest comedy DVD.


I just wanted to post this picture because I feel like I need to share my amazing qualities with you guys.



After reading Corrie's blog about the whole Independent Studies thing, I notice that I pretty much fucked my whole high school life up when I decided that I just didn't want to go to school anymore. Like...I don't even talk to people anymore.

Nobody even notices that I don't go to that school! It sucks, but whatever can you do now?




Today, I talked with my ex-best friend. I honestly think that maybe it could be a good outcome, but then again I don't shit to be how it was before. I got some advice from people, and they all told me the same thing.

I realize that we should at least not have a bad ending.. I'm not that type of person! I want to at least mend the friendship, even if we don't actually become FRIENDS again, ya kno?

She seems really, hurt isn't the word, but like....concerned. Hopefully our plans go through at the end of the day.



I haven't posted in a few days, and I was told by more then one person, that I need to blog.

So, friday night I went to iHOP. I went with Celeste, Carrie, and Celeste's girlfriend, Christina. We had fun. There's not much to say. It was my first night meeting Christina and Carrie. Whatever, though. The best and worst part was that I accidentally walked into the men's bathroom. I have never done that before, so it was funny to me. What made it embarrassing is that one of the waiters saw me, and he told all the other waiters, and then proceeded to smile at me EVERY SINGLE TIME he walked past our table. It was all good though, at least I finally saw what a urinal looks like.

I've been reading my head off lately. I need some more good books, so if anyone has a good book, make sure to shoot me the title. I would be more than happy to look into it. I am reading this book called Night. It's about the whole Auschwitz/Hitler/concentration camp thing. It's a true story about a 15 year old boy who lost his family along the way. It's a whole 110 page book, so I'm pretty much through with it. I had to choose a book for my Independent Studies program, and that's the book I chose. I was reading this other book before I started Night, and so I still have to go back to that... I'm also thinking about picking up the Twilight books. My brother has pretty much all of them, I just don't know if I will like them...

I've been trying to grow my nails out. I have a bad nail-biting problem. So, just to see some nail growth makes me uber happy! I just don't like the flimsy feeling of the nails. How do I go about making them stronger? I cannot wait to paint them. I hope I can NOT bite them and ruin all progress.

Work has sucked lately. I keep getting less and less hours. Today I had a whole FOUR fucking hour shift, and when I got there my manager was telling me how he was thinking of calling me and telling me not to come in. He told me that I should'nt be at work longer than TWO hours. It's like...WTF. I got a whole 20 hours a week, get your head out of your ass and just let me fucking work my hours! UGH.

I've been a little bit on the depressed side lately. I been so depressed I don't even blog anymore! Anybody who really knows me, knows how much I love to blog and be an active person on the internet. I just feel so alone and left out since I don't go to school anymore. I really don't know how people can honestly just DROP OUT like they do....

I feel like everyone has forgotten me. I really have been wanting to hang with jessica. It seems as if she just disregards me completely. Oh well, though. I don't really have anyone else that I can turn to....

My mom has a birthday in 4 days. I'm excited. Tomorrow I am buying her a new cell phone. She doesn't know about it. So, I hope that if my kid brother reads this, that he doesn't say anything to her. I am trying to find a way so that on Friday, I can sneak to the cell phone place and have her service switched without hew knowing.

Other than that, nothing has been going on with me. OH YEAH! I haven't drank a SIP of soda for 26 days, :)



I have heard about Autumn (my ex-best friend) talking about me, asking about me, and being jealous about me since i stopped talking to her. It sucks, but it also helps me realize that shit sometimes doesn't change no matter what you think. Maybe things do change, though. I thought I was over it.

I dunno why I even asked my cousin to look, but I did. I had my cousin look at Autumn's page, since I can't see it, and tell me what it said about me. The shit sucks.... I kinda regret cutting the friendship all together, but she wasn't acting like a friend, so waht was I supposed to do?

Here's what her page says:
Audrey: I saved the Best for last! This is Audrey. She was my Bestie. We were the two most silliest best friends you'll ever know! We had the type of friendship where If I called her a Bitch, she called me a slut and it was all good. We eould make up random words and sayings. We'd fight, but we'd always get over it. We'd laugh at the dumbest stuff [[mostly things we do.]] We'd dance and sing like idiots. We'd take pictures alot! Even kodax couldn't capture all our memeories! We were the coolest Best Friends EVER!! I miss my bestie! You are the only other person who makes me laugh for no reason and you are the funnest person I know. I wish we were still close friends like old times, but people change. I'm Really going to miss you when you leave north. I hope you dont forget me.


I woke up today with a text from my mom.
The text conversation went a little like this...

Mom: I'm having a snack. mmm...
Audrey: Why you having snacks?
Mom: Because I was hungry and I miss your dad today. I miss our old family some days and I wonder if he ever feels the same or does he just forget we were ever a family.
Audrey: ...Maybe he forgets.
Mom: I never forget.

WHY!? It hurts. Even when you think that you have jumped the biggest hurdle, the hurdle being the pain, it's never EVER going to be over with. I'm not even sure why my dad did it. I'm not even sure why they couldn't hold on just a little longer. All I know is that I was too young to fully feel the wrath of what was really going on. It hurts to see my mom in these kinds of situations. She's always been my role model. I hate when people talk down on her, like she doesn't try every single day. I'm not saying that there aren't millions of other struggling single mother, but I am saying that my mom puts forth all the amount of effort she has in her.

I do wonder if my dad knows what he's done to her. I wonder all the time what things would be like if they hadn't gotten a divorce. I wonder how people look at the situation. My mom and dad were basically high school sweethearts. They have been pretty much dating since my mom was 15. That's a long time.

I wish I could ask him if he cares, actually wait, I KNOW he cares. He still loves her. They BOTH still love each other. I still think they are IN love with each other, my dad just had to many problems. Money is the root of all evil, you know. I don't know if my mom tried her best, and I don't know if it was all his fault. But I do know that I love both of them very much. I mean, look at me. I am the epitome of both of them. I know that I have the best mother, even if she doesn't know that. If any of you knew my mom, you'd know why I think she's the best. Even all of my friends think she's the best, seriously.

I just really wish she knew how much she meant to me....



For the past few days, I've felt closer to my cousin than ever. We talked ont he phone for over an hour yesterday and then today we talked for a while today. I started her on blogger. I'm really excited for her, because she needs to do some things to help keep her out of boredom.




Sometimes you just know that you made the right choice.



This is my best friend, Rachel.
I recently ended a "best friend" friendship with Autumn, and I know that.
But I now know, that all along Rachel was the one who I should have thought was my best friend.
She's never done anything wrong to me.
Even though she already has a best friend, I feel like she's my best friend.

I hate the feeling of you having someone as your number one friend, but they don't look at you the same way.
Whatever, though.








This weekend was...different.

I started off not going to work on Friday because they gave my hours away to someone else.

Saturday, I went to my cousin Cassie's Olive Garden dinner. I had a fun time there. It was even funnier because they kept calling her Cathi. Super funny. They sang to her in Italian, and they called her Cathi. Anyways, that day my makeup looked really nice. I will probably post pictures in a little bit.

After I left the dinner, it was too late to hang out with Rachel, so we made plans to stay over on Sunday.

I went over to Teresa's house and talked with her from like midnight, all the way until like 4 in the morning.
We talked about Mike, Scott, females, death, hoes, sex, and a lot of other things. It made me really realize that she is a good person who has been through a lot in life.

Sunday, I went to work and got into an argument with the bitch that got my hours at work. She lied to the manager and said I called her a bitch.

After work I went to Rachel's house. Before that, we stopped at Bekka's. There was a weird guy. He was all fucked up on cocaine. Rachel and I made a video imitating his ass! It was funny. I dunno if we are going to publicize the video yet, though. We put on make up at like midnight, just to take pictures together. The pictures turned out okay, but Blaze kept being rude. =/ I actually had fun, even though I don't feel like blogging about everything that happened....


Rachel: Jackie we know you're reading this! Lol.
Blaze is trying to break out of this one room and come blog with us, freaking weirdo. He tried stretching like while he was on top of Audrey, it was really scary, I hope she doesn't sue us because we have no money and Blaze is just a rude dog.

Audrey: It's okay though, because I'm just going to sue her and that will make up for the 500 MAC blushes that I have to buy for her.

7/-* ,LYT53O < That was Blaze. He was licking the keyboard. I understand that he has a way with words that most people cannot comprehend, but he's like an effin dog genius. :]

Rachel: Anyway, we took some super tight pictures and some really scary looking ones too. We put on makeup at midnight. Yay! This is like the coolest blog I've ever written.

Audrey: Rachel enjoys spending quality time with me at her house, even though half the time she was on the phone and the other half of the time we were just whispering to each other asking what we should be doing. It's weird, but fun...I guess. Oh yeah, there's this one boy that Rachel talks to. He said that we were a apart of his dyke colony, but like..how can you be the leader of a colony if you aren't even dykin'?! Rachel bought us pizza. Except she was so broke that the pizza lady had to give us a break and not make us pay the whole amount! I really thought Rachel was a better hooker than that, but what the hell...I guess she lost her touch. Oh yeah! And her dad hates her...for various reasons. We learned that today, but this creeper.

Rachel: He talked funny, like his teeth never moved. He was like very hilarious and weird. Audrey and I are imitating him right now, you should see it, it's kinda sexy. ;]

Audrey: I wish Rach would quit bein a slut and just imitate the coke head on video. Everything would all be great and gravy, then. Now, we are being EXTRA bored, except I've never laughed this much. I love her...almost.



There's times when I just feel like the shit I say to people goes in one of their ears and out the other. It pisses me off. I spend time telling people that they can count on me, talk to me, trust me, and ect only to turn around and find out they do the COMPLETE opposite. It almost disgusts me.

Today I went into work. Usually I have Wednesdays and Thursdays off and I work on Fridays. So, tell me why I went all the way into work just to find out that they had crossed out me for today. It pissed me off so bad that I didn't even want to eat. They could have atleast let me know. They knew damn well that there was no other way I would have found out because I had the two previous days off. WTF. It makes me mad because the bitch they gave my hours to is expecting and is talking about quitting soon anyway. So, tell me why it would be in your best interest to give hours to this woman! Mind you, I have worked at this faggot ass joint for about 2 years, I worked 6 days a week all through the summer, and I don't call out! So what the fuck is going on here?!

Tomorrow is my cousin's Olive Garden birthday dinner. I'm excited. I'm going to try makeup for this one.... =/

Anyways, I have a lot going on. I don't even know how to fucking act lately. I keep finding shit out about my so-called "friends" that angers me. I don't even feel like blogging anymore.



So, my internet buddy, Mara, started me on pen palling. It's really fun, even though it's not as popular nowadays. i dunno how you guys feel, but I know I get super excited when I get things in the mail. Maybe this is just because I don't get loads of bills and stuff in the mail. Who knows! But anyways, I haven't been finding any pen pals as of lately, which sucks. I have loads of time on my hands now that I don't go to high school anymore. I only know of one site, and I guess they have been slow on approving the ads you can place for a pen pal. As of now I have 3 pen pals.

I was upset because I could never find any really cute lined paper to write with, but today my mom surprised me with about 7 tablets of different writing paper! I love her. <33

This is like my 3rd post of the day....I know I'm bored.


I been realizing lately that people don't always have you on thier priority list like you do them. So, you should never put people before yourself. All that's going to happen is that you will be upset over something that you really shouldn't be upset over. So....fuck friends and just do you.



So, if we aren't best friends any longer, let alone friends at all, and you talk shit about me- WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CONTINUE TO ASK MY FRIENDS ABOUT ME? BITCH GET OFF IT.

So, my ex best friend is on some crazy shit. She was asking one of my best friends about where I've been and shit. It's like..bitch I told you where the fuck I was going. Don't act brand new to the whole situation. ya kno? It's pretty fucking annoying because there's no need for her to ask Jessica about me, when just like last week she was talking shit because my other best friend Rachel wouldn't give her a fucking ride somewhere. She knows that she's just jealous. She's not gonna learn any new details about me from my friends..they know that she aint shit. I wish she would give it up and just keep bein a super whore-ish slut. =/



Okay, so I swear that I hate that video.
And I swear that the song is good, but there's nothing else good about the video.

I think people are just hype because she's kinda coming back...

okay, and? what good is coming back if your shit sucks.



So, today I went to my high school to drop off my books and pick up some stuff that I had ordered before break. I don't go to school anymore, so I had to go talk to the principal and get a pass to be in the halls and whatever else. So, first I wanted to go to my Algebra class, so I could drop off that heavy ass book and also because I wanted to see Rachel and Jessica! This teacher does NOT like me, BTW. He sucks at life, seriously. I'm not even joking or doing any kind of over-exaggerating. I handed him the book in a polite manner and he started telling me that he was going to report me as truant because I was still scheduled to be in his class and blah blah. Like seriously? Dude, STFU. It kind of made me mad at how rude he was being. But whatever, I kinda had a feeling his ass was gonna do somethin like that. He always has some smart shit to say. I went on to my other class to get the stuff I had ordered. I got a DECA long sleeve t-shirt, a short sleeved one, and a hoody. They have my name on them. :)

Afterwards, I went to sign up for my Independent Studies program. I was nervous because I had no idea what was in store for me! But after all, it turned out well. I met up with this guy, filled out papers, and got my picture taken for my id badge. I guess you cannot get into the building without it. Just like high school, pretty much. I had to sign all of these code of conduct papers and shit too! I really didn't understand that part because I'm only going there to pick up my homework and drop it off. It's not like I'm even gonna have time to do something disorderly. Then he took me to meet up with the English teacher there. I only need my last English credit. I thought there was going to be loads of work and stuff, but it turns out that there's only SEVEN packets that I have to do. i have 2 already this week! Like..I will totally fly through this shti! GAHHHH.

On another note, I started reading this book called "It's kind of a funny story". It's about a teenager who lives in NY and he is depressed and suicidal, but the book isn't depressing at all. It's humorous in a way that doesn't make the whole situation humorous? If that makes sense....but, it's a great book. Funny as shit.



My family is all pretty good at doing whatever it is they do. Like..we all have something we can do, but I just ran across this vid of my cousin dancing. He can do way better and obviously this was a little white ago..but whatever.



Just a little while ago, I tried clam chowder for the first time. I think that it was good, compared to what I thought. I guess it's just the initial smell that I couldn't get past. Plus, I'm not really a huge seafood fan, unless it's shrimp. But whatever, ya kno?

I've got an appointment on Monday at 10:30 to set up my independent studies. I'm excited, but then again nervous. I'm always nervous for change. I am excited though, because I'm gonna go to my school so I can turn in my textbooks and get some stuff that I ordered for my Marketing DECA class. I know that I'm gonna miss school, though. It is what it is...

Another thing..
I quit going to school for better hours at work, amongst other things and now I barely have enough work to fufill the hours I have now! WTF.



Today was a great day. It was one of the best days I've had in a while, considering. Anyways, I hung out with Rachel today.

It kind of sucked because her mom was being a douche bag & she couldn't hang out with me long, but it's all good. We first couldn't decide where to go, between MAC and Target. The whole thing about it is, I kinda want to get into makeup just like Rach. She does amazing makeup and I wished I could do the same. Another reason why is because I don't go to school anymore. I need more hobbies to keep me company, ya know? Anyways, MAC would've been more for Rachel and Target more in my direction. If we would've went to MAC, I was going to buy her something, since I didn't get her anything for Christmas. The reason we went to Target was because Rachel told em about these brushes at Target that were cheap and that I could start out with.

I ended up getting a few things.

So, that's what I managed to get. Not to mention that THIS is pretty much the start of my makeup collection.
I got the Ecotools 6 piece brush set, Queen Collection CoverGirl eyeshadow quad (deep ocean, blue caribbean, misty seas, and arctic glow), CoverGirl Eye Enhancers- turquoise Tempest,CoverGirl Eye Enhancers- Lime Alive, CoverGirl Eye Enhancers- Gold Sizzle, Loreal Hip Duo- Rascal, and Loreal Hip Duo- Brazen. I'm pretty satisfied with what I got. I DID try it out today, but I haven't uploaded the pictures yet, I will tomorrow.

After I hung out with Rachel, I went out with my cousin and some friends. It was Cassie, Nikki, Jerry, and Josh. We had fun. First we went to McDonalds. It was really creepy because we went at like ( and for some reason they were watching us as we came in. This gave us the impression that they were either closed or actually CLOSING. We went in, but were expecting to have a burger full of saliva for coming in so late. Whatever, though. It was fun. We cracked jokes about the whole saliva thing, talked about computer hacking, and a bunch of other just random shit. It was cool. We went bowling afterwards. THAT was fun. I haven't went bowling in a hot minute, but I liked it. At first I really sucked, but as each frame passed I got a little better. It was overall fun. OH YEAH, we drove by this new bridge that you can walk on. It looks like it's being held up by strings. It looks scary, yet amusing. I know Rach and her friends went on it, and I decided that I wanna go. Anybody wanna go with me? :)

If you guys don't know, I started ANOTHER blog. A blog that keeps track of my shoe game and all that great stuff. I explain more about it on the actual blog, so if you wanna check THAT out- www.eatsneaks.blogspot.com. Follow, comment, whatever you want to do with that. I explain more about WHY I started it, on the actual blog. I pretty much finished up the layout for it tonight. Here it is...

You can also view that and OTHER graphics on my Flickr account-http://www.flickr.com/photos/feedmekicks.

I haven't really updated on that because I just realized that I was going to use it for my graphics and shit like that.

And to leave you guys on a good note, watch this video.



Today was just a tad bit depressing. I didn't go back to school and everyone else did. It kind of hurt because I know things will change. I really think that I will walk out of this situation with only Jessica and Rachel by my side, which is okay, but it just sucks.

I kinda want to just pour my whole heart out about the situation, but then again.....



She thinks she's cute, but look at how rude she is.

OH & BTW, she plays the slut role on tuesday nights, and she thinks white people are crazy. Read the above convo clip for a taste of her asian rudeness. Despite her outside beautiful appearance, she's a whore with no morals. :)

All she's good for is supplying lovely AIM conversations.


this makes me want to go look out for that. i know i've seen a few people already blog about this movie, or whatever, but i felt the need to post something about it too.

i know that EVERYONE knows how much of an actress beyonce is NOT, so seeing this movie clip kinda makes me hope that maybe she spent a little extra dough on an acting class....or two. we'll see.

maybe it's just that she isn't doing a singing role this time...



For one, I'm not sure how many people have falls often, or even close encounters with falling, but it SUCKS.

Today did NOT start off good. First of all, I was like really tired, and it seemed like everyone and their mother wanted to text me, WHICH IS COOL, but not when I'm fucking trying to sleep! Anybody who knows me, probably knows that I stay up late and sleep in late. SO, please tell me why you still choose to text me early? Granted I will respond back in a pleasant manner, but that doesn't mean I'm not pissed.

Anyways, I was up since the phone wouldn't stop, and I needed to be up for work too. I went downstairs and got was trying to talk to my mom about some stuff, like just random stuff. She was on the phone and OBVIOUSLY wasn't trying to listen, even though I was like sighing, and groaning and stuff, trying to get her off the phone.

I went back upstairs, with a lovely bowl on Raisin Bran. and NO LIE that is my favorite cereal, BTW. Didn't think too much of how cold it was until I remembered to feed my fish. Now, these fish I have, are Betas and they cannot have too hot nor too cold water, so when you touch the outside of the tank, it shouldn't be FREEZING. This problem has happened before. Usually what I do is, place the small tank on top of the heating vent for my room. I know it might sound harmful, but really it's not. It doesn't let me and my family enjoy a fish fry or anything of that nature, it just heats the water a little bit.

So, I put the fish on the vent, ate some more, blah blah. So, my phone rings. It only rang once, I noticed it was my mom. So, since I already had to go take my bowl downstairs, which still had milk in it, I decided that I would go and ASK her what she wanted. NO WAY! God just DID NOT want to make it that simple for me....

All in one motion, I trip over the fish tank, fall down the stairs, AND spill milk all over the floor and myself. At this point I was pretty much devastated. I had no idea what I even tripped over. I quickly stood up, and realized the FISH! My poor little blue fish was just laying there on the wood floor. He wasn't even flipping around! Impulsively, I started screaming! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM.

It was scary, you guys. So she comes running up the stairs, and stops at the milk spilled all over. And I'm like "No! My fish! My fish is on the floor!" She's like "OMG". Like..this shit was fucking traumatic for me. I'm surprised I didn't suffer an anxiety attack. Whatever, though. She picked him up and put him back in the tank, and blah blah. He is still swimming around and stuff, so I hope he lives.

I know, I know. That story is like...AMAZING. I was scared though, really. I didn't even want to do that shit. I don't even want my fish to die. Like...I love em and stuff.




if i follow your blog, please leave a comment here so that I can add you to my blog listings on my actual page. i know that i've followed or been reading other peoples' blogs and i havent updated that....



LMFAO. I really cannot express to you guys how funny shit like this is. Now I know that Myspace is the last place to propose your individuality and expect for it to be looked upon as just that, and nothing more. NAHH, SONNN. there's always SOMEONE who wants to be like someone else. i'm not saying that i've always thought up my own ideas and shit, but DAMN.

there was a little issue with some random broad requesting me on myspace. she knew one of the other people i knew on myspace and saw one of my shoutout vids that i made for her. this girl is SOOO funny. she went to go look at my other videos.

i guess she saw the most recent video of me getting my lip pierced. turns out that the person i talk to goes over to this girls house, and sees that she got her lip pierced. her explanation?

"i saw miss feedmekicks' video and i wanted to get my lip pierced"


THENNNN. turns out that she watches my videos often and she thinks i'm "soooo funny"

Like...get serious.

you should click that picture to see it bigger. ")



Yo, like I already posted today, but I feel the urge to share something with you guys...

If you don't EVER read anything again in your ENTIRE life, read THIS right here.

It's byt his amazing chick named Rachel, and like..she makes me smile super hard. She's all super smart & shit. Read her effin blog will ya!



No, but seriously. that was prolly one of the funniest things that happened last night.
So, lemme start by telling you guys a story.

Last night, Rachel and I were in Walmart just to use the bathroom, and it was almost midnight. Rachel all of a sudden wanted to be OUTSIDE to bring in the new year, so we ran. RAN. This old lady that worked there was all like "don't run you'll fall", but we just kept running. and THEN, this creeper was staring so hard as he was driving into the parking lot, that he almost broke his neck looking at us. WTF! then when he got out of the car, I swear Rachel probably gave this dude a freakin erection because she just HAD to tell him happy new year. It was great! He was cheesin' so hard that he didn't even STOP smiling to say it back. Like..he said it through clenched teeth. Is that weird? Yeah...I think so.

Anyways, let's start at the beginning.....

Rachel, Bekka, David, and i all went to Suzie's party. Well, the "getting there" part was a lot more fun than actually making it there, if that makes sense. I guess last night I realized that I make people laugh easily. That's just grand, right? RIGHT! Anyways, I kind of don't want to put all the details in, but the night was filled with getting lost, Burger King, creepy Walmart dudes, and....yeah. That's about it. No drugs, alcohol, or crazy serial killers. I made it home safe, and alla that great stuff.

Anyways, um.....I love Rachel George aka Stuart aka Dyke Sweater aka soulmate.

JANUARY 1, 2009.

First post of the year.
I didn't realize how it would feel to actually have a fresh start of the new year until I was sitting in Rachel's car in the Walmart parking lot at 12:04, looking at my phone.


It's almost like....MAD CRAZY.

2009 will be the year that I graduate, the year that I start college, the year that I live my 18th year of life. It's crazy, only because of what has happened in 2008.

I feel like I lagged off this post.
I feel like I wasted time thinking that the last day of the year wasn't going to be a big deal.
I read and watched as everyone got all hype for the new year, yet i hadn't mentioned anything about it.

I guess it's because I could rally care less about what happens in the future. It is what we make it. What really gets me is the things that are left alone in last year.

The year of 2008 helped me realize who I was, and I mean REALLY realize.
I learned that even the cloest people to you can be taken from your life.

I learned that death always comes when you don't believe it.
I learned that even the people you think are your backbone, really aren't.

In 2008, I lost 2 of my friends. 2 teenagers who had so much life inside of them....

I ended ties with my best friend. I regret it. But then again, I don't.

I found out that I will always be me and I cannot change that for anyone.

2008 was a great year in terms of learning, but it wasn't the best in experiences.

With that being said- Hello 2009.

Tonight, I had my first photo of the year taken with rachel George in the Walmart parking lot.
I had my first Burger King meal of the year, which consisted of a vanilla shake and 4 chicken tenders.
It feels great.

I feel like I should kind of blog about the night, but I don't feel like it now.
I will later, or tomorrow.